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Showing posts from November, 2012

I couldn't cry even if I wanted to - VENTING

You ever sit back and look at your life and wonder to yourself how you keep ending up in the same situations over and over again? There is something painfully disappointing about being stuck in a cycle of habit-initiated decisions. The fact that I put myself there could make me feel worse if I let it. Seeking the familiar only works when I'm avoiding danger. It doesn't work well when I'm trying to live. It works even less while trying to E.Volve. There are so many aspects of life that I have yet to experience. I was talking to my son and explained to him that most of the people we see aren't living their lives. They are fixing something they broke a long time ago. That's where their time, energy, and efforts are going. That's no way to live. It's not even a way to exist. I'm having a hard time understanding right now why it's so difficult for us to make good choices. I'm having a hard time understanding why it's so easy for me to set mys

Why do I have to be so hard-headed?

Every time I get up, I tell myself that my morning will not dictate my day. I'm usually right. If I'm having a good morning, I do what I can to keep up with the momentum. If I'm having a challenging morning, I give myself a deadline to deal with whatever is going on and I move on as best I can after that deadline. It works for the most part. Evolving has been a part of my life for the past 7 years or so. I mean, it's been a part of my existence since I got pushed out of the womb but I've been just living mostly until then. I didn't have a clue about what life was about. And by the time I made my mind up to try to figure it out, I'd set myself up for some uphill battles. And I've been used to battling. It's a nasty habit to have to be ready to fight all the time. And as much as I say I crave peace and the quietness it brings, I seem to find myself making automatic choices based on past experiences. The responses aren't even warranted most times an