Rewriting Narratives

There's been something about this time of the year in the past that brought me down to my knees. In the past, Fall has been rough financially and even more so spiritually for me. Four years ago, I experienced my last serious battle with suicidal thoughts. It was severe. So much so that I checked myself into the hospital to get help to stabilize myself. Four years later and suicide is not on my radar. I'm in transition right now though. My closest relationships are shifting in ways that have been aggravating the insecurities I've felt for years. These shifts are bringing all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and realities to surface. And I'm holding on, both watching and experiencing it all happening. About 10 days or so ago, I started listening to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In hindsight, spirit led me to this message. I say that because the teachings helped to sustain me during the shift that happened last week. I know this is true for me. If it had not been for

As a Water Bearer.......

Posting this without comment & commentary. Just know that it spoke deeply to me today. #AquariusRising #TheEvolutionofPerspective #EvolveThenEmerge

What leaving Facebook showed me about myself

This will probably end up being a listicle (list/article)......because energy..... What leaving Facebook for a little under 2 weeks showed me about myself: 1. I was absolutely addicted to logging in and interacting with the toxicity on FB. I aggravated anxiety, triggered myself, and could not find the strength to turn away most days. I was annoyed with people and their thoughts, their opinions, their pity parties, their expression, and just them. But I could not find the strength to turn away most days. 2. I tricked myself into believing that I could manage the addiction (because that's what addiction looks like). I unfollowed people, muted people, unfriended people, blocked people, tried to stay on my own timeline, and tried to only go to certain people's pages. INSTEAD OF LOGGING OUT AND OFF so I am admitting to myself and to other people that my life became unmanageable. 3. I only claimed I wanted to be successful. I didn't do the things I knew I needed to do to

Why I Don't Like Advice From My Social Media Friends

This post has been a long time coming. It's been bubbling up inside of me for about a year or so and I was finally able to turn off the heat and let the waters cool so that I could express what I needed to say without fire. Cuz I don't want to give off fire. So yeah. I'm not sure that there's a "nice" way to say to people that you don't want their advice. I'm guilty AF at offering advice to people who didn't ask for it. Those people are my people though. My kids. My friends. My family members. For some of them * kids.....cough*, they don't want my advice. They don't want me to fix it. They really just wanted me to listen. We still struggle with this. If you preface the conversation with "I need to get something off my chest" I know how to hold my tongue and open my heart and my ears. The part of me that "needs" to fix things goes off to her quiet little corner and does something else. BUT....if the convers

Fear Factor

So one of my social media friends, friend in my head, and sister in the future posted this yesterday and when I tell you IT STOPPED ME COLD IN MY TRACKS. I started doing some healing work Sunday night and this was the perfect reflection opportunity. I talk a lot of about there are Five Big Emotions/Feelings that, when they grow out of control, start to push us around and make us do things that we either don't realize, feel like we can't control, and/or don't want to do. Those FBEs are fear, anger, guilt, shame, and sadness. I am, in real time, reflecting on fear right now. This meme helped me to hone on in fear and its role in my life. Fear has some control over my "yes". It had some control over my "no". It keeps them at just enough of a distance to make it appear that I'm doing what I need to do for myself and others. EXCEPT what I'm saying "yes" to is not the thing in my life that I actually want for myself. It's the thin

What I Don't Have Is An Understanding Problem - VENT

During the last month or so, what I've learned about myself is that I'm more willing to listen when people need me to if they make their need known. When bombarded with what looks like a chaotic attempt at getting my attention (which I end up resenting for a period of time), I reject and/or ignore those attempts. I recognize that I know a lot of people and even more people "know" me. And because of this, people I'm close to and people I'm not close to both want and need (sometimes all at once and at the same times) something from me. It's overwhelming at times and challenging to navigate. It's not impossible. I admittedly haven't found any kind of consistent rhythm in practice with this though. The part of me that is genuinely interested in understanding people is not hard to access. People aren't aware of this. And I know I am not (on the surface) the most open and approachable person on social media. This optic is by design. It has its benefi

The Internet Supported My Passive-Aggressive Behaviors and Habits

Good morning/afternoon/evening Good People! Summer is creep creep creeping right on up outta here, but every once in a while, it will bust back through the door to remind us that it still has the juice. It was H.A.F. yesterday. Ok now the real reason yall are here...... So do you ever have an epiphany so deep and wide that it makes you stop in your tracks and re-evaluate your WHOLE life. One that makes you wonder who the hell you are and why you exist? of those. I had one of those this month. It came slamming down on me. Wanna hear about it? Here it go..... I used to think it was the slickest thing to slide people in posts on the internet. I've been doing it since I joined the internet on the now defunct Yahoo 360 website. I took the drags to Multiply, Black Planet, Blogger, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Where ever I was.....there was the occasional spark of drama and messiness. Bump naming people in posts. That was too direct, too messy, too dramatic, and it took