Rewriting Narratives

There's been something about this time of the year in the past that brought me down to my knees. In the past, Fall has been rough financially and even more so spiritually for me. Four years ago, I experienced my last serious battle with suicidal thoughts. It was severe. So much so that I checked myself into the hospital to get help to stabilize myself.

Four years later and suicide is not on my radar. I'm in transition right now though. My closest relationships are shifting in ways that have been aggravating the insecurities I've felt for years. These shifts are bringing all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and realities to surface. And I'm holding on, both watching and experiencing it all happening.

About 10 days or so ago, I started listening to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In hindsight, spirit led me to this message. I say that because the teachings helped to sustain me during the shift that happened last week. I know this is true for me. If it had not been for the message, I would have plummeted into the dark spiral that almost took me down four years ago. And I'm standing today. Not barely.....not bent...standing.

My heart is bruised, but it's also healing. My pride is in shambles, but I think it probably needs to be if I'm being perfectly honest. My ego is fighting to stay situated as king. What I know today though, is that I have very little use for ego and pride right now. They haven't been helpful and they have not been my friends.

So while my heart is healing and my soul is recovering....while ego and pride have both been checked, I am able to begin to rewrite the narratives....the stories I've been telling myself about myself AND OTHERS for so long. The stories that lacked compassion. The stories that weren't rooted in love and truth. The stories that supported this idea that somehow I am a victim of life and of circumstances. I get to examine them all and tell myself the truth about me and about everyone else. My blessings aren't disguised right now. And for this I give thanks.



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Comments

  1. Dunori10/23/2018 05:14:00 PM

    And we give thanks also for you sharing with us; hopefully it is part of your healing process.

    ReplyDelete

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