The Evolution of Perspective

You know the old saying about honey and vinegar right? Yeah, well, I'm trying to figure out whether or not I really want to catch bees anyway. Today was interesting in the sense that I realized (again) that I am just hardheaded. The fact that I have the answers I need to a lot of situations and scenarios or that I am able to gain clarity through hard work and still come out on the other end of crazy with the same sense of insanity is just......wooooooo I'm not beating myself up. Trust. I'm just realizing again. Familiarity is a motherfu..... It disguises itself as comfort. It's not comfort. It's just familiar. I need not get it twisted. Comfort is different. There's very little anxiety that comes along with my comfort. There's very little uncertainty that comes with my comfort. I feel another shift coming on. I don't want to rush my way to my bottom but it sure would be nice to hit it sooner than later. I'm ready to bounce back up.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I started the process of my evolution back in 2006. Since then, I’ve made strides, I’ve backslid, and I’ve reconciled some situations with my self. The one thing that I’ve been consistent about since then has been working on bridging the gap between who I am and who I want to be. I’ve been pretty aggressive about it considering. It dawned on me, however, that I’ve never fully accepted who I am. I’ve denied parts of myself that I felt were too vulnerable to expose, too raw to share, and too humiliating to admit. I whitewashed my history and polished my present. I thought this was how I would carve out my future. The crazy thing about doing so was that I thought I was doing the right thing. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t on the proper path. In retrospect, I realize that I did the best I could with what I had at the time. Today, I realize that when I talked to myself, I used the word should a lot. It helped me be in denial about