One step back. Two steps forward

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I started the process of my evolution back in 2006. Since then, I’ve made strides, I’ve backslid, and I’ve reconciled some situations with my self.

The one thing that I’ve been consistent about since then has been working on bridging the gap between who I am and who I want to be. I’ve been pretty aggressive about it considering. It dawned on me, however, that I’ve never fully accepted who I am. I’ve denied parts of myself that I felt were too vulnerable to expose, too raw to share, and too humiliating to admit. I whitewashed my history and polished my present. I thought this was how I would carve out my future. The crazy thing about doing so was that I thought I was doing the right thing. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t on the proper path. In retrospect, I realize that I did the best I could with what I had at the time.

Today, I realize that when I talked to myself, I used the word should a lot. It helped me be in denial about the reality of who I was and glamorized who I wanted to become. This was problematic for me because I needed to see myself as clearly as possible to move forward. In order to accept myself fully, I had to acknowledge myself fully. I stifled my evolution by compromising my honesty.

Now that I know this, I can take a few steps back to take a lot more forward. Facing the reality of ALL of who I am is both intimidating and exciting at the same time. I’ve reached a point of no return. I must continue to move forward. My success and peace of mind are on the line. Challenge accepted.

Comments

  1. Unknown1/03/2014 11:13:00 PM

    This whispered in my ear, then roundhouse kicked me in the face... needed to read this!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dunori1/15/2014 11:35:00 AM

    The ending reminded me Kwame Nkrumah's motto - "forward ever, backward never".
    But there is also the other African proverb - "Sankofa" which I guess you mixed in also.

    ReplyDelete

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