What I Don't Have Is An Understanding Problem - VENT

During the last month or so, what I've learned about myself is that I'm more willing to listen when people need me to if they make their need known. When bombarded with what looks like a chaotic attempt at getting my attention (which I end up resenting for a period of time), I reject and/or ignore those attempts. I recognize that I know a lot of people and even more people "know" me. And because of this, people I'm close to and people I'm not close to both want and need (sometimes all at once and at the same times) something from me. It's overwhelming at times and challenging to navigate. It's not impossible. I admittedly haven't found any kind of consistent rhythm in practice with this though.

The part of me that is genuinely interested in understanding people is not hard to access. People aren't aware of this. And I know I am not (on the surface) the most open and approachable person on social media. This optic is by design. It has its benefits and it has its risks. The risks have been on my mind lately.

It's cliche that communication is the key to harmonious relationships. It's, however, one of the truest cliches I know. After realizing that I was communicating in a passive aggressive way on social media, I began examining how I communicate in real time with people in my real life. I was looking for evidence of passive aggressive behavior there as well. AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW.....I found it. I also found a level of directness that leads people to feel uncomfortable. I found a level of transparency that led to people being confused. I found that digging deeper to try to get a more clear understanding of what people were communicating led people to believe that I was being intentionally obtuse. I found manipulation in my communication. And I found a sincere desire to understand where people were coming from.

You see, I don't have an understanding problem. I WANT to understand people....sometimes. I say sometimes because there are very real instances where I don't want to care what's going on inside of people. I don't want to wade through the muck to get to a place of clarity. That's not what I signed up for when I connected with you. The risk though..... The risk of you feeling hurt, misunderstood, pushed further into your own muck....#TheRisk

But in the end, I still WANT to understand people. I eventually care what's going on inside of people regardless of whether I want to or not. I will reluctantly wade through the muck to get to a place of clarity. I do want you to not hurt, to be understood, and to push through your own muck. #TheBenefit

If this is confusing for you to read or understand, please know that it is much more confusing for me to experience. I had to purge these thoughts though so here we are.

Thank you for reading.

Comments

  1. I think this a struggle that many can relate to. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for sharing.

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