Confessionals


I was a very different person before 2009. I used to describe her as "ugly". Her behavior was ugly. Her thoughts were misguided. She was in a lot of pain. She knew it, but she didn't really know how she was being affected by the pain. My behavior wasn't anything that I recognize today as healthy. Her spirit tried to remember that it was good though.

From 2009 - 2012, I was extremely aware of my own toxicity and knew that I had to heal it and deal with it and reduce it but never forget that she existed. Anybody who knew me then and still "knows" me today, knows that I am as different as I can be. Anybody who knew me then and doesn't know me today doesn't know the amount of work that I did and continue to do to to make sure that I heal all of the pain energy that was shared with me and that I shared with the world. I work hard to look at my life, my personhood, and my energy so that I can be clear about what I'm sharing with the world. It's much less ugly today. I still haven't been able to consistently call it beautiful.

Here's a reflection on this:

How do we balance having toxic people in our community and space by giving them space to grow, not allowing them to infect us, and protecting people from their toxicity? What does giving them space to grow look like? What does loving them through that look like? What does not allowing them to infect us look like? What does protecting people from their toxicity look like?

Somebody needed to be protected from my toxicity before. DAMN

Comments

  1. Dunori9/26/2017 12:15:00 PM

    Excellent questions... my first thought would be to lead by example but I know that there are many out there that seem to just not get it despite doing that. After that realization, I'm not certain myself of next steps. I'll stay tuned for others' advisement.

    ReplyDelete

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