When did being an asshole become cute for me?

I've been getting all kinds of reminders and lessons lately. The most recent lessons are about feelings of entitlement and the illusion of need. The most recent reminder was that I need to chill and cultivate my anger appropriately. While I was steady on my path down the yellow brick E.Volution road, I looked down and noticed that my shoes were shitty. I looked back on the path that I'd been traveling recently and saw that I've been leaving a trail of shitty footprints behind me.

I started wondering to myself how long it's been since I assessed how close I am to being a whole person. And while I don't expect to be a perfect person, I do expect to accentuate my positive qualities and do what I can to diminish or remove my negative ones. And if I can't diminish or remove them, I'll at least learn to manage them so that I don't look up and realize I've been being an asshole.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine earlier this week. Someone close to her was saying mean things to her. In theory, I understand that mean spirited words come from a dark, lonely place where a person is hurting. And like a true E.Volver I reflected on how I am that way with people who are close to me and people I don't know. It's easy to hurt people when you're hurting inside. It's TOO easy. It takes care and practice to avoid lashing out and being a brat when things don't go my way.

I think it's time for another personality assessment. I'm not proud of the levels of immaturity and anger I've been displaying lately. Just when I think I'm on my way, I'm reminded of how far I need to go. I'm not upset about this realization. In fact, I'm thankful for it. Being a better version of me is a goal that benefits the parts AND the whole. I can't be mad about that. I know I need to check myself before I wreck some shit in the process.

Being a maniacal, hypocritical, ego-centered asshole was never intentionally put on my agenda. But it's there and I need to do what I can to make sure it's permanently removed from my calendar. I was advised to NOW RELEASE AND LET GO!!!! THE PAST IS THE PAST.....THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT AND COMPLETE CHILD OF GOD!!!!
That is what's being put on my agenda....intentionally! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What leaving Facebook showed me about myself

This will probably end up being a listicle (list/article)......because energy..... What leaving Facebook for a little under 2 weeks showed me about myself: 1. I was absolutely addicted to logging in and interacting with the toxicity on FB. I aggravated anxiety, triggered myself, and could not find the strength to turn away most days. I was annoyed with people and their thoughts, their opinions, their pity parties, their expression, and just them. But I could not find the strength to turn away most days. 2. I tricked myself into believing that I could manage the addiction (because that's what addiction looks like). I unfollowed people, muted people, unfriended people, blocked people, tried to stay on my own timeline, and tried to only go to certain people's pages. INSTEAD OF LOGGING OUT AND OFF so I am admitting to myself and to other people that my life became unmanageable. 3. I only claimed I wanted to be successful. I didn't do the things I knew I needed to do to
Read more

An Honest Assessment of My Love Life

So they say we date at our self-esteem levels. It must be at the bottom of the level. I’m laughing to myself as I type this, but I’m very serious. I’ve never dated what I consider to be a high quality man. I’m not sure I’ve ever even attracted one. I ask myself do I consider myself to be a high quality woman. Parts of me say yes and parts of me say no. The parts of me that say yes are the parts that know that I can be sweet, caring, and nurturing. The parts of me that say yes know that I am smart, ambitious, and talented. Those parts don’t attract men to me though. Not closely anyway. Those parts attract my admirers. Those parts attract the men who want to partner with me to get work done. The parts of me that I don’t consider to be high quality are the parts of me that make their way to the surface and find my partners. These men are not transparent. They are not honest. They have very questionable levels of integrity. They are not growing at the same pace that I want to grow. Are th
Read more

Beyonce, Trump, and The War on Black Unity

I don't know if I can think of a woman, black woman more specifically, who is more polarizing in 2017 than Beyonce'. She announced today that she was pregnant with twins. And like clockwork, people on the far right and others on the far left took to social media to stand (either up or down) for Beyonce and her announcement. She's been called a distraction, a queen, and a lot of things in between. I joked on social media before about putting in an application for the BeyHive when she dropped Lemonade. I'm not a hater, nor am I a stan. I sit right in the middle. I enjoy listening to and dancing to her music. I enjoy watching her perform. I'd never pay to see her live. And while I think that she's arguably the greatest performer in my children's generation, I have the benefit of having lived long enough to know other great performers. It's the first day of February. It's officially Black History Month. For some of us, it's a time to celebrate ou
Read more