The Evolution of Perspective

October has been one hell of a month for me. It's been extra rough for me and a lot of people around me. It's been busy and I've been managing to make it to the end of each week. I haven't made it unscathed every week. Between the negative energy, anger, deaths, Mercury Retrograde, frustration, and just plain chaoticness of it all, I am noticing that I'm paying more attention to the calendar and waiting eagerly and anxiously for October to be over. I have, however, learned that you probably shouldn't try to rush time because there's no guarantee that there is something better waiting around the corner for you. So I'm peeking at the calendar. I'm barely making it through my days though yall. I looked back at the calendar. It's Fall. It's the time of the year that my system goes haywire trying to get adjusted to the change in season. She said,  " the change in sunlight effects me too and it made it easier to infiltrate." A few...

Ok, so I'm having a conversation with someone and he's telling me about this guy he knows. The guy is super petty and doesn't follow man code. He goes on to say how the guy acts like "a female". *disclaimer: I know people are offended by the term "female" because they feel like it dehumanizes women. This, however, is not a battle that I side with. I've found more insulting definitions and associations of the words woman, girl, and lady. end disclaimer* What I don't understand is how AND WHEN and more importantly WHY someone "acting like", "being like", or behaving like "a girl/female/woman/lady/chick" is insulting. If a man violates man code, he's not acting according to the code. PERIOD. Not acting like a man does not automatically equate to "acting like a woman. And if it does, I need for someone to break it down for me so that I can understand the foolishness . There are gender identified behaviors ...

I'm hot tempered. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a short fuse. As I've gotten older, I've been able to pick and choose the flames that ignite my fuse a little more. But the fact still remains that I'm hot tempered and have a short fuse. Fortunately, I don't stay angry for a long time. My anger is like a stick of dynamite. It lights, builds, crackles, explodes, then it's over.  Now that I think about it, a lot of my emotions are that way. They aren't sustained over long periods of time. They come and they go. Irritation tends to linger a little longer than the rest of them. I've learned to short circuit my sadness.  It took me years (and therapy and some well invested time) to come to grips with my emotions. And when I say come to grips with them, I only mean being able to identify them. There's a part of me that still doesn't believe I should experience negative emotions. I don't know why though. Maybe it's because I be...

I realized today that the anger and frustration that have been welling up inside of me are because of 1 person in particular. This person has been wreaking havoc in my peace for a long time and I've been letting her. She's been disturbing shit. She's ME. Recent realizations in conversations with friends: I get so angry at people it's like I have no compassion or very little compassion for people and their choices I get angry at people when they die because I know most of the time it comes from poor choices I feel like people are just wasting their lives away and that makes me angry and part of the reason I get angry is that they put their "shit" on others but I have to remember when I didn't exercise MY OPTIONS I don't want to be that woman I don't want to be that person judging people because I know what I know now that is UNFAIR it took me 40 years to change The OTHER issue has been taming my savior complex....