You are such a damn girl
Ok, so I'm having a conversation with someone and he's telling me about this guy he knows. The guy is super petty and doesn't follow man code. He goes on to say how the guy acts like "a female".
*disclaimer: I know people are offended by the term "female" because they feel like it dehumanizes women. This, however, is not a battle that I side with. I've found more insulting definitions and associations of the words woman, girl, and lady. end disclaimer*
What I don't understand is how AND WHEN and more importantly WHY someone "acting like", "being like", or behaving like "a girl/female/woman/lady/chick" is insulting. If a man violates man code, he's not acting according to the code. PERIOD. Not acting like a man does not automatically equate to "acting like a woman. And if it does, I need for someone to break it down for me so that I can understandthe foolishness.
There are gender identified behaviors in society. There are behaviors we more readily associate with women and there are behaviors we more readily associate with men. For example, shaving your face is more readily associated with men. Shaving your legs is more readily associated with women. Shaving, however, is not a man thing or a woman thing.
There's this misconception that men don't gossip and only women do. I have enough male friends to know that men DO INDEED gossip. They don't gossip in the same manner that women do, BUT THEY DO GOSSIP. And yet gossiping is associated primarily with women and therefore considered to be a "female trait".
Both men and women experience jealousy. Both men and women react to their jealousy. But jealousy is considered to be a female trait.
I see the pattern but I can not for the life of me understand the logic. But let me bring this back full circle. When a woman does not do things that are considered to be "womanly", we don't insult her by calling her a man. If a woman doesn't cook or clean or wear makeup or frilly dresses and high heels, we don't say "She acts like such a damn man!"
A man "acting like a female" is a man who wears makeup and frilly dresses and high heels. An emotional man is not "acting like a female" because ALL humans experience emotion. Crying is a normal response to pain. But because we condition men to believe it's not ok to cry and support women when they do, we've convinced ourselves that crying is a "female trait".
And the ultimate insult for a man is not telling him he's not acting like a man. It's telling him he's acting like a woman. As a woman, I am EXTREMELY offended that my being, my persona, my mannerisms, my ways, and my existence are considered in terms of something used to belittle and insult someone else.
What does it mean in our society that I am SO devalued that I'm used an insult when someone isn't behaving the way people think they should? What does it mean that telling a man that he's acting like a woman is something that's said to set him straight? What does it mean that telling a little boy that he's "acting like a girl" is said to shame him into behaving "appropriately"?
I'm going to need for my existence NOT to be viewed as a mechanism for insulting and shaming someone. If men have standards of how they are supposed to act, why is womanliness even part of the criteria? Why is it on the scale to begin with?
And both men AND women do it. What does that say about a woman that she insults a man by calling him HER? This is so deep to me that our collective society thinks that this is ok. A man not behaving like a man is just that.....a man not behaving like a man. Unless he's not behaving like a man and wearing a dress and heels and lip gloss, he's not behaving like a girl. And even still, he's still a man NOT behaving like a man DRESSED as a woman.....not behaving like one.
Stop with the shit.
*disclaimer: I know people are offended by the term "female" because they feel like it dehumanizes women. This, however, is not a battle that I side with. I've found more insulting definitions and associations of the words woman, girl, and lady. end disclaimer*
What I don't understand is how AND WHEN and more importantly WHY someone "acting like", "being like", or behaving like "a girl/female/woman/lady/chick" is insulting. If a man violates man code, he's not acting according to the code. PERIOD. Not acting like a man does not automatically equate to "acting like a woman. And if it does, I need for someone to break it down for me so that I can understand
There are gender identified behaviors in society. There are behaviors we more readily associate with women and there are behaviors we more readily associate with men. For example, shaving your face is more readily associated with men. Shaving your legs is more readily associated with women. Shaving, however, is not a man thing or a woman thing.
There's this misconception that men don't gossip and only women do. I have enough male friends to know that men DO INDEED gossip. They don't gossip in the same manner that women do, BUT THEY DO GOSSIP. And yet gossiping is associated primarily with women and therefore considered to be a "female trait".
Both men and women experience jealousy. Both men and women react to their jealousy. But jealousy is considered to be a female trait.
I see the pattern but I can not for the life of me understand the logic. But let me bring this back full circle. When a woman does not do things that are considered to be "womanly", we don't insult her by calling her a man. If a woman doesn't cook or clean or wear makeup or frilly dresses and high heels, we don't say "She acts like such a damn man!"
A man "acting like a female" is a man who wears makeup and frilly dresses and high heels. An emotional man is not "acting like a female" because ALL humans experience emotion. Crying is a normal response to pain. But because we condition men to believe it's not ok to cry and support women when they do, we've convinced ourselves that crying is a "female trait".
And the ultimate insult for a man is not telling him he's not acting like a man. It's telling him he's acting like a woman. As a woman, I am EXTREMELY offended that my being, my persona, my mannerisms, my ways, and my existence are considered in terms of something used to belittle and insult someone else.
What does it mean in our society that I am SO devalued that I'm used an insult when someone isn't behaving the way people think they should? What does it mean that telling a man that he's acting like a woman is something that's said to set him straight? What does it mean that telling a little boy that he's "acting like a girl" is said to shame him into behaving "appropriately"?
I'm going to need for my existence NOT to be viewed as a mechanism for insulting and shaming someone. If men have standards of how they are supposed to act, why is womanliness even part of the criteria? Why is it on the scale to begin with?
And both men AND women do it. What does that say about a woman that she insults a man by calling him HER? This is so deep to me that our collective society thinks that this is ok. A man not behaving like a man is just that.....a man not behaving like a man. Unless he's not behaving like a man and wearing a dress and heels and lip gloss, he's not behaving like a girl. And even still, he's still a man NOT behaving like a man DRESSED as a woman.....not behaving like one.
Stop with the shit.
Cosign.
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