When a woman's fed up

I realized today that the anger and frustration that have been welling up inside of me are because of 1 person in particular. This person has been wreaking havoc in my peace for a long time and I've been letting her. She's been disturbing shit. She's ME.


Recent realizations in conversations with friends:
I get so angry at people
it's like I have no compassion
or very little compassion for people and their choices
I get angry at people when they die
because I know most of the time it comes from poor choices
I feel like people are just wasting their lives away
and that makes me angry
and part of the reason I get angry is that they put their "shit" on others
but I have to remember when I didn't exercise MY OPTIONS
I don't want to be that woman
I don't want to be that person
judging people because I know what I know now
that is UNFAIR
it took me 40 years to change


The OTHER issue has been taming my savior complex. You know the old saying, "if you build it, they will come"? Well yeah, my helper energy has been attracting people who need help. Hold up....not people who need help. It's been more like people who WANT help but don't really need it. I'm helping them to relinquish responsibility for their own lives in the name of "helping". I'm trying to make their lives easier. The problem is I'm making my life harder in the process. 

Conversations: 
Very soon I'll be getting quiet
really quiet
I've expended so much energy this year
and haven't given much to myself

I'm not the reason other people's live are out of control so I don't want to be the SOLUTION to their issues, problems, etc. But I have to decide to not let my desire to help raise my ego. My ego needs to be tamed. Sitting there with my chest poked out talking about "look at all the things I did for you" is not a healthy position to be in. If I can't say yes sincerely, what am I agreeing to and why? 

I'll be back for more on this...
Hopefully I'll be back with an update on how I deaded my savior complex and started treating my relationships to much more healthy experiences. 

Comments

  1. DJMillz10/20/2014 01:25:00 PM

    Never sacrifice your own peace for the sake of others Ellen. Continue to be awesome

    ReplyDelete

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