Bored with Being Human

I am thoroughly bored with being human. I'm tired of dealing with my kind. I'm definitely changing. I'm not fascinated by the shiny things and with people right now. And it's not that life is not exciting. It's not that life has even changed very drastically. I think that I've just had my fill of the experiences that I've had for the last 41 years. 

I think....scratch that, I know that I am absolutely sick of the lowly aspects of humanity. I find myself shrinking and pulling back from participating in them. They don't feel the same. They don't give me the same "thing" that I got from it before. 

Gossiping ain't fun no more. Every time I do it, I know that I'm putting horrible energy into the atmosphere. I'm contributing to more bowl chit. Laughing at people's fuggups ain't interesting to me anymore. I haven't become super serious. I do understand personal pain a little bit differently though. 

Being uninspired has me in my feelings. I look around and I see the same patterns, the same negativity, the same struggles, the same frustrations. I see people stuck in pain. I see people failing to launch (a term I snatched from a girlfriend during a getting-to-know situation). And I see myself.....tired of the same old same old. Tired as hell of the circles that we're running in. Tired as hell of the rat race. Tired as hell at feeling helpless, paralyzed, and just plain over it all. 

I've known on the inside that I'm in a major transition in my life for about 10 days now. I've had some significant shifts in the last 5 years. I didn't recognize them as shifts....so I fought them. I'm not fighting this one. I'm riding this wave of change. I noticed that I don't like to talk as much. I prefer to give people the space to talk. I noticed that I am WAY more sensitive to other people's energy than I ever have been (or paid attention to) in my life. In a way, I feel unsafe and exposed....except nobody knows that I'm naked. Only I know.
I can't figure out quite what I'm supposed to be doing with myself. I want to ball up everything I've been doing for the last 7 years and put it in the trash and start over. And then I wonder, where will I begin? Where exactly would I be starting? WHAT exactly would I be starting? I'm not terribly interested in gathering new spirits for my circle. In a lot of ways, I want to be left to myself more than not. I want to help some people but I don't want them to thank me afterwards. I want to be impactful and invisible. *Impactful ain't a word?...TF*

Anyway, I'm just recording thoughts. I haven't blogged in so long. This felt good...relatively speaking.

Comments

  1. Dunori6/21/2016 05:59:00 PM

    Overdue expressions are always pleasing when they make their way out, in my opinion.
    I can relate to the boredom, which hit me a few years ago and thus traded in the night club for the campground.
    I don't think your last 7 years should be trashed though; blog talk was kinda Kool.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Heather9276/21/2016 08:24:00 PM

    I love this, and get this so much. The mini hermitage is rich for renewal. Much love!

    ReplyDelete

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