The Internet Records My Internal Fights

I've been on social media for years....YEARS! At least 20!!! I made my way through BlackPlanet, Yahoo 360, Multiply, Blogger, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. I remember back in 2001 when I clicked on a random bear that appeared on my computer screen at work after I opened an email and unknowingly released a virus on my system. I remember discovering how words from strangers could be restorative to parts of me that I wasn't even aware were broken back in 2005. I remember giving into jealousy and ugliness and meanness on the internet in 2011.  I remember one of my social media friends reminding me why it's not ok to make fun of people's looks in 2014. I remember being a self-righteous jackass in 2016.

I value growth.

I remember when I was approaching my 30's. It was important to me that I do something significant so that my 30's didn't resemble my 20's in terms of pain, mistakes, poor choices, etc.

I remember when I was approaching 40 and wanting the same thing for myself.

I think about my "dark" places a lot. I stare at them so much that I sometimes forget that it's not my job to obliterate them into pieces. And while I reflect on the places where trauma (my own or someone else's) got the best of me and my humanity, I am reminded today to be thankful for growth and the process of becoming and uncovering. I essentially grew up on and partially because of social media. I lived my thoughts out loud on cyberspace platforms.

I'm sure I'm annoying to some people. Lawd knows some people are annoying AF to me. I appreciate being supported and having the opportunity to support others via the internet.

I live somewhere between the old me and the emerging me. The distance between the old me and the me today is far greater than the distance between the emerging me and the me today. I can't express enough how thankful I am for that. I acknowledge that I have the rest of my life to go. It's easy to be thoughtful, provocative, expressive, etc on the internet. I look forward to the day where it's first and second nature for me to be that consistently enough in person. I expect all kinds of magic to happen in my life then. And until then, I'll continue to close the distance between the emerging me and the now me while the internet records my internal fights.

#TheEvolutionofPerspective
#EvolveThenEmerge

Enjoy your day

Comments

  1. Dunori8/23/2018 03:01:00 PM

    I think collegeclub was my first taste of social media... had some good times on there. I also think it's not just your fights that have been getting recorded but also your achievements, some of which may be a result of your fights. It might be interesting to read an old blog post or email from about a decade ago.

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