Why I stopped saying THANK YOU when people tell me Happy Father's Day
Today's Father's Day. So far, I've gotten four Happy Father's Day wishes. I decided to not respond to them. I'm not a father. I'm a mother. No matter how much effort I put into parenting, I will NEVER be able to be a father to my children. I don't even know what that entails. I didn't have my father in my life for the first 30 years almost. And by the time he got here, I struggled to bring him into my life in an appropriate way. I've watched men be fathers to their children but it was usually from a distance. So I never really understood what it meant to "be a father". Is it the opposite of being a mother? Is it the missing pieces of being a mother? *shrugs* See, I can only relate fatherhood in terms of motherhood because motherhood was all I knew.
I no longer accept when women tell their children that they are the mother and the father. I no longer believe that a woman can teach a boy how to be a man. I think we need to stop telling our children that and believing we can teach boys how to be men. We can teach boys how to be good people. That's different. I don't know if women tell their children that in an effort to soothe the hurt of having an absent parent. Nothing soothes that. I don't know if women do it because of the guilt that can come from not choosing the best father for their children. But the same way you can't replace a mother, you can not replace a father. You will never be a man. And that's ok. Just accept it and be satisfied with Mother's Day.
Using Father's Day as an opportunity to berate and diss men who didn't step up to the plate to be a part of their children's lives seems so asinine to me. It takes the shine away from the men who are great fathers. One thing I do know is no matter how angry I am at the man who shirked his responsibility and left the child rearing burden to the woman, there's probably nothing I can say to him to make him feel lower than he already feels for knowing he's not there for his kid. He has to live with the fact that he created a life and didn't participate in the cultivation of his seed. And guess what? If he doesn't care or feel any kind of way about it, why the hell should I?
I rarely see or hear people slide women who aren't good mothers on or around Mother's day. Am I angry that my children don't have both parents in the home? HELL YEAH. Do I know that I could have made a better choice? HELL YEAH. Do I realize that I played a part in all of this? HELL YEAH.
Now I am in NO WAY saying that it's ok for any parent to bring a child into this world and say phuckitandthemtoo. I'm not about to make excuses for someone who clearly doesn't understand the gravity of the task at hand. And I'm definitely not giving a pass to anyone who can do a half-assed job at being there for their kids. All I'm saying is that I'm not a father. I don't know how to be one. I don't want to be one. So when I don't say THANK YOU when you tell me Happy Father's Day, now you know why.
I no longer accept when women tell their children that they are the mother and the father. I no longer believe that a woman can teach a boy how to be a man. I think we need to stop telling our children that and believing we can teach boys how to be men. We can teach boys how to be good people. That's different. I don't know if women tell their children that in an effort to soothe the hurt of having an absent parent. Nothing soothes that. I don't know if women do it because of the guilt that can come from not choosing the best father for their children. But the same way you can't replace a mother, you can not replace a father. You will never be a man. And that's ok. Just accept it and be satisfied with Mother's Day.
Using Father's Day as an opportunity to berate and diss men who didn't step up to the plate to be a part of their children's lives seems so asinine to me. It takes the shine away from the men who are great fathers. One thing I do know is no matter how angry I am at the man who shirked his responsibility and left the child rearing burden to the woman, there's probably nothing I can say to him to make him feel lower than he already feels for knowing he's not there for his kid. He has to live with the fact that he created a life and didn't participate in the cultivation of his seed. And guess what? If he doesn't care or feel any kind of way about it, why the hell should I?
I rarely see or hear people slide women who aren't good mothers on or around Mother's day. Am I angry that my children don't have both parents in the home? HELL YEAH. Do I know that I could have made a better choice? HELL YEAH. Do I realize that I played a part in all of this? HELL YEAH.
Now I am in NO WAY saying that it's ok for any parent to bring a child into this world and say phuckitandthemtoo. I'm not about to make excuses for someone who clearly doesn't understand the gravity of the task at hand. And I'm definitely not giving a pass to anyone who can do a half-assed job at being there for their kids. All I'm saying is that I'm not a father. I don't know how to be one. I don't want to be one. So when I don't say THANK YOU when you tell me Happy Father's Day, now you know why.
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