The E.Volution of the Perception of Pain

So I'm talking to my friend tonight. We're talking about the whole dating thing. He is a nice guy. He's a gentleman, he's respectful, he's funny, and I enjoy his company. He enjoys mine. I ask him why he doesn't have a girlfriend. The obvious answer is because he doesn't want one. He goes on to explain to me that he has trouble trusting women. I can understand that. Some of us do things that deem us untrustworthy. He also explains that he's more of a loner. I definitely can understand that.

I was talking to him about the lessons I learned from my last relationship. I make a joke about how the dude couldn't have possibly liked me that much because of some of the things he'd say and do. I'm really glad that I can make light of the situation a lot more now. It signifies, to me at least, how much I've moved on and am no longer hurt as much about the idea of not being connected to him. And while I'm not rushing the process, I am fully aware that I've moved forward.

A long time ago, the idea of keeping still to process pain was not an option. Whatever I could do to either make it go away or dull it was on my agenda. I usually ended up damaging myself and/or somebody else in the process of avoiding my pain. I'm not proud of who I was before. I do, however, understand that I was using the technique that so many of us use regularly to get over pain. Instead of going through it or sitting still so it can move over us, we short circuit it and end up piling new poo on top of old poo.

I'm so very thankful for awareness. I'm even more thankful that I have finally learned the value of being patient with myself when faced with painful experiences. I thought the answer was in not experiencing pain at all. I know today that there is value in the experience. It doesn't last any longer than it has to. It doesn't last forever. It's a moment in time and I helped to create it with my choices.

I feel like I'm getting the hang of this whole E.Volution thing when it comes to my heart and my feelings. I smile when I think about how far I've come and I'm looking forward to the future. I'm thankful for this day and the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that brought me to this point in my life.

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