I'd just punch her in the face myself........
You know how you co-sign a man beating a woman to a pulp because she started some shit with him and....HOLD UP! In 2014, a significant part of our collective consciousness believes it's ok for a man to hit, beat, punch, kick, choke, and do everything else except restrain and then walk away from a woman if she provokes him enough. That provocation could be words, it could be violence, or it could be anything else that they believe warrants violent retaliation. "She's getting what was coming to her. A man can only take so much before he hits her back."
Let me have an honesty moment. I have a problem keeping my hands to myself. I've hit, punched, thrown things at, and attempted to hurt some men in my life. I have a very difficult time containing and resolving my anger. It's quick. To do my part, I've taken steps to help myself. I admit this out loud to say that as a woman with a problem, I know that it's NEVER ok for me to hit someone. I know this before. I knew it during and I was fully aware of it after.
What I'm confused about is the BUT.....I know men aren't supposed to hit women but.....
1. If what she does is "bad" enough, I'll make an exception.
2. If what she does makes me feel some kind of way, I'll make an exception.
3. If she did that to me, I'll find some understanding about why he did what he did.
In general, men are physically stronger than women. I know some women who can fight. They probably can take some brothers down. I have heard men say that they don't have to hit a woman to stop her from hitting him. I've heard a man explain how he can restrain a woman to prevent her from further hitting and attempting to abuse him. And speaking very frankly, if anyone is in a relationship with a person who hits them (male or female), staying in that relationship requires certain things that you have to prepare yourself for physically and mentally. Am I saying you deserve it? No. Am I saying to stay in it? No. Am I saying to leave? No. You know what's best for you. Not me. All I'm saying is that if you choose to stay, you will be required to do certain things.
There's a conventional wisdom thought that posits that you know your oppressor better than your oppressor knows himself. You have to. You almost can NOT not know them. Slaves know their slave masters moves. An abused person understands the abuser. The child understands the parent. Women attempt to understand men. It's my opinion though, that we've got it all wrong. We mimic their behaviors and what our perceptions of their strength look like. We're not necessarily trying to be them. But we most certainly have taken on a lot of their characteristics in our attempts to reclaim our own power and to level the playing field. The problem I see is that we've taken the things that WE THINK are them.....violent behaviors, aggression, and dominance and mistaken them for strength. And we give it to each other and give it right back to them.
It's a vicious cycle. Men abuse women and women in turn abuse men. I'm not saying that women abuse men because men abuse women....hold up....maybe I am. Feel free to disagree. We've got it all wrong though. Women don't get brownie points for retaliating against men the same way they've hurt us. Women don't garner respect by acting like aggressive assholes. Women don't get a pass if/when they can't control their hands and their emotions. And men don't get cool points for punching a woman in the face because he didn't like what she did or said. Period. It's not ok for women to hit men. It's not ok for men to hit women. EVER.
I've heard the shit....
1. If she's big enough to hit, she's big enough to get hit. OH YEAH. Does that apply to your mother also? If it does......
2. Women shouldn't provoke men.
Provoke too often translates to exercising her right to BE HER. We shouldn't provoke men because they can't control themselves........For example, women shouldn't wear short skirts because men might be prompted to follow her around and harass her. Women shouldn't be pretty because men might be prompted to pursue her even if she's not reciprocating any interest.
Violence, harassment, aggression and anything that looks like those things are not good for women OR men to put upon each other when they can't use their words to express themselves. End of story. *shrugs*
Let me have an honesty moment. I have a problem keeping my hands to myself. I've hit, punched, thrown things at, and attempted to hurt some men in my life. I have a very difficult time containing and resolving my anger. It's quick. To do my part, I've taken steps to help myself. I admit this out loud to say that as a woman with a problem, I know that it's NEVER ok for me to hit someone. I know this before. I knew it during and I was fully aware of it after.
What I'm confused about is the BUT.....I know men aren't supposed to hit women but.....
1. If what she does is "bad" enough, I'll make an exception.
2. If what she does makes me feel some kind of way, I'll make an exception.
3. If she did that to me, I'll find some understanding about why he did what he did.
In general, men are physically stronger than women. I know some women who can fight. They probably can take some brothers down. I have heard men say that they don't have to hit a woman to stop her from hitting him. I've heard a man explain how he can restrain a woman to prevent her from further hitting and attempting to abuse him. And speaking very frankly, if anyone is in a relationship with a person who hits them (male or female), staying in that relationship requires certain things that you have to prepare yourself for physically and mentally. Am I saying you deserve it? No. Am I saying to stay in it? No. Am I saying to leave? No. You know what's best for you. Not me. All I'm saying is that if you choose to stay, you will be required to do certain things.
There's a conventional wisdom thought that posits that you know your oppressor better than your oppressor knows himself. You have to. You almost can NOT not know them. Slaves know their slave masters moves. An abused person understands the abuser. The child understands the parent. Women attempt to understand men. It's my opinion though, that we've got it all wrong. We mimic their behaviors and what our perceptions of their strength look like. We're not necessarily trying to be them. But we most certainly have taken on a lot of their characteristics in our attempts to reclaim our own power and to level the playing field. The problem I see is that we've taken the things that WE THINK are them.....violent behaviors, aggression, and dominance and mistaken them for strength. And we give it to each other and give it right back to them.
It's a vicious cycle. Men abuse women and women in turn abuse men. I'm not saying that women abuse men because men abuse women....hold up....maybe I am. Feel free to disagree. We've got it all wrong though. Women don't get brownie points for retaliating against men the same way they've hurt us. Women don't garner respect by acting like aggressive assholes. Women don't get a pass if/when they can't control their hands and their emotions. And men don't get cool points for punching a woman in the face because he didn't like what she did or said. Period. It's not ok for women to hit men. It's not ok for men to hit women. EVER.
I've heard the shit....
1. If she's big enough to hit, she's big enough to get hit. OH YEAH. Does that apply to your mother also? If it does......
2. Women shouldn't provoke men.
Provoke too often translates to exercising her right to BE HER. We shouldn't provoke men because they can't control themselves........For example, women shouldn't wear short skirts because men might be prompted to follow her around and harass her. Women shouldn't be pretty because men might be prompted to pursue her even if she's not reciprocating any interest.
Violence, harassment, aggression and anything that looks like those things are not good for women OR men to put upon each other when they can't use their words to express themselves. End of story. *shrugs*
Yes indivuals need to learn to control their emotions and their physical behavior. I believe that once either sex lay down the gokden rule of not accepting abuse from either, it will work. I was in a position once where I was hit by a male, someone who was warned what would happen in the event anything of the sort happened. Result: I had the cops step in. It never happened again ever and there were many times I provoked him; which would lead me to my next point. One should not provoke the other person just because you know they would not hit you. That's a violation too! And I would add, taking advantage. And setting yourself up to be violated. We're dealing with humans on both plane and it us toally unfair if you provoke someone to anger and expect them to always turn the other cheek. We were created after His own image and likeness but we're not Him (Jesus) :)
ReplyDeleteGood points Ellen & J
ReplyDelete