What I Learned About Myself and My Anger Today

I was sitting there and I could feel the tension building. I sensed the irritation growing. I didn't want to listen. I didn't want to participate. I started tuning people out. This is one of my anger patterns. I witnessed it happening today. It was interesting.

So o.k. I’m angry. Now what? I started talking about being angry. I said, “I’m angry as shit.” I said it because I was. Then I started talking about why I was angry. I was also resentful. I was resentful because things changed. I knew that they were going to change and I knew I would be both angry and resentful. Knowing it is one thing. Feeling it is something else. This is some basic shit, right? 

Anyway, I realized that I would be both angry and resentful because I would both take the lead and be expected to take the lead in a situation. I recognized that I am uncomfortable in silence and stillness and when I believe there is no movement or progression occurring…..or at least my perception of what movement or progression look like.

So the responsibility and expectation both planted the seed for anger and resentment. I don't mind taking responsibility when I feel like it's my choice. I do mind taking responsibility when I feel like others are shirking it. I do mind taking responsibility when I feel like people are being lazy. I do mind taking responsibility when I feel like people know they are capable to assume it but don't speak up. The silence and perceived lack of movement and progression are the water and fertilizer that feed the seed. 

But then something happened. I saw the situation through. Then I started to feel better. Then I stopped being angry and resentful altogether. 


So what initially looked like a problem with others was actually an opportunity for me to learn about the root of some feelings today. I was no longer angry. There was an evolution of my perspective about people in a specific situation today. This is what growth looks like. I actually processed an anger moment today. I felt good when I watched this process unfold. 

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