It's February - LOVE IS COMING
I announced (both to myself and out loud) that I would be writing a blog about love this month. Those of you who expect this to be a traditional monversation (conversation of one) might be a little disappointed. It's ok though. Life gets better.
Soooooooooo, LOVE. L.O.V.E. LOVE.
You know what I used to think love was? I used to think love was tossing myself to the ground in order to be someone's stepping stone to self-esteem. I used to think that love was all give with sprinkles of take topped with a lot of resentment. I used to think that love was ugly, hurtful, and a waste of time. I used to think that love was taking what didn't "belong to me" and providing a temporary fix. I used to think that love was taking that which was broken and doing THE MOST to help it to get better (while making myself sick in the process). I used to think that love was convincing someone of how great I am....because obviously they ain't looking at me right *tilts their head a little to the left and squints their eyes for them*. I used to think that love was standing still while someone else was causing me harm....hold up. No, that's what I thought support was. OK scrap that least "used to think".
One of my all-time favorite sayings is "With Age Comes Wisdom". And while we all know that aging doesn't automatically come with a side of maturation, I am glad to be able to say that it has for me. I've gotten older. I've gotten wiser.
I know today that love is pretty simple. In my life, it's wanting what's best for whomever the recipient of my love is. And it's not my definition of best. And it's not a static definition of best. It's "what's best for them" in any moment. It's the freedom to be. It's supporting me while supporting you. It can be done. I do it all the time. It's honoring you. It's reminding you of the greatness you've shown me when you forget. It's stepping away when I know you want or need me to.
It's knowing that when it hurts on the inside in certain ways, it's probably not love. It's also knowing that love CAN hurt because love inspires growth, change, and courage. It's disagreeing with respect. It's understanding. It's connection. It can also be disconnection.
In my journey thus far, I've learned that love is not fear. It's not despair. It's not clinging. It's not extreme heat or extreme cold. It's a slow burn that does the job it came to do. I've learned that my love doesn't necessarily have degrees. I love my children the same way I love my friends the same way I love my significant other the same way I love strangers. What's different for me is the type of attention and affection I give to those people. I give my good girlfriends are certain kind of attention and affection. I give my kids are certain kind of attention and affection. I give my significant other a specific kind of attention and affection. And there's a certain kind of attention and affection that is reserved for strangers (and others). What I attempt to be consistent about is the love I feel for everybody. Romantic love for me is only different because of the specific kind of attention and affection involved. But love is love. The love I feel for black women warms me on the insides. The love I feel for my kids gives me a different feeling. But the love is consistently given and received the same. I know it sounds contradictory but it makes sense in my head. That's all that matters to me. Yall know me! LOL
Oh yeah, before I forget.......SELF-LOVE.....oooh chile the things I've learned about self-love!!! Granting permission to put my needs first.
Knowing that I will only give resentfully from an empty cup.
Becoming protective of my self because I'm all I got.
Knowing when something feels good, bad, wrong, right, etc. and honoring those feelings.
Not needing to explain or justify loving me, but gladly doing so if you don't get it...CUZ YOU NEEDS TO KNOW. I can show you better than I can tell you, but I CAN TELL YOU GOOD TOO!
I'm still working this self-love kink all the way out. But THE STRIDES......oooh the strides baby!!!!
So anyway, while yall thinking about what to get your boo for Valentine's Day (or not because you don't have one or don't celebrate or something else), I've been thinking about love in a different kind of way. How do you define love? Has it changed for you over the years? If not, do you think it needs to? If you're happy with your experience with love, what words of wisdom do you have for me and others?
Comment below please and thank you
Love,
Ellen Gee
Soooooooooo, LOVE. L.O.V.E. LOVE.
You know what I used to think love was? I used to think love was tossing myself to the ground in order to be someone's stepping stone to self-esteem. I used to think that love was all give with sprinkles of take topped with a lot of resentment. I used to think that love was ugly, hurtful, and a waste of time. I used to think that love was taking what didn't "belong to me" and providing a temporary fix. I used to think that love was taking that which was broken and doing THE MOST to help it to get better (while making myself sick in the process). I used to think that love was convincing someone of how great I am....because obviously they ain't looking at me right *tilts their head a little to the left and squints their eyes for them*. I used to think that love was standing still while someone else was causing me harm....hold up. No, that's what I thought support was. OK scrap that least "used to think".
One of my all-time favorite sayings is "With Age Comes Wisdom". And while we all know that aging doesn't automatically come with a side of maturation, I am glad to be able to say that it has for me. I've gotten older. I've gotten wiser.
I know today that love is pretty simple. In my life, it's wanting what's best for whomever the recipient of my love is. And it's not my definition of best. And it's not a static definition of best. It's "what's best for them" in any moment. It's the freedom to be. It's supporting me while supporting you. It can be done. I do it all the time. It's honoring you. It's reminding you of the greatness you've shown me when you forget. It's stepping away when I know you want or need me to.
It's knowing that when it hurts on the inside in certain ways, it's probably not love. It's also knowing that love CAN hurt because love inspires growth, change, and courage. It's disagreeing with respect. It's understanding. It's connection. It can also be disconnection.
In my journey thus far, I've learned that love is not fear. It's not despair. It's not clinging. It's not extreme heat or extreme cold. It's a slow burn that does the job it came to do. I've learned that my love doesn't necessarily have degrees. I love my children the same way I love my friends the same way I love my significant other the same way I love strangers. What's different for me is the type of attention and affection I give to those people. I give my good girlfriends are certain kind of attention and affection. I give my kids are certain kind of attention and affection. I give my significant other a specific kind of attention and affection. And there's a certain kind of attention and affection that is reserved for strangers (and others). What I attempt to be consistent about is the love I feel for everybody. Romantic love for me is only different because of the specific kind of attention and affection involved. But love is love. The love I feel for black women warms me on the insides. The love I feel for my kids gives me a different feeling. But the love is consistently given and received the same. I know it sounds contradictory but it makes sense in my head. That's all that matters to me. Yall know me! LOL
Oh yeah, before I forget.......SELF-LOVE.....oooh chile the things I've learned about self-love!!! Granting permission to put my needs first.
Knowing that I will only give resentfully from an empty cup.
Becoming protective of my self because I'm all I got.
Knowing when something feels good, bad, wrong, right, etc. and honoring those feelings.
Not needing to explain or justify loving me, but gladly doing so if you don't get it...CUZ YOU NEEDS TO KNOW. I can show you better than I can tell you, but I CAN TELL YOU GOOD TOO!
I'm still working this self-love kink all the way out. But THE STRIDES......oooh the strides baby!!!!
So anyway, while yall thinking about what to get your boo for Valentine's Day (or not because you don't have one or don't celebrate or something else), I've been thinking about love in a different kind of way. How do you define love? Has it changed for you over the years? If not, do you think it needs to? If you're happy with your experience with love, what words of wisdom do you have for me and others?
Comment below please and thank you
Love,
Ellen Gee
Big cosign on the self-love and expressing it whether or not those around you respect you doing so or not. I think it's mandatory to help ensure getting one's goals accomplished.
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