The Anti-Happiness Complex
So while in the midst of my own personal evolution, I was forced to face certain things about myself that I chose to deny for the first 28 or so years of my life. I had to recognize that I was the author of most of the pain I experienced in my adult life and part of my teen years. I was trying to make sense of life and was trying to identify pain patterns so that I could avoid repeating them. By the time I got a grip on WHAT my life was, I was hit with another revelation. Almost nobody around me was completely happy. Some of the people who were around me were completely miserable. I listened to friends, family, and loved ones complain about their lack of consistent happiness. I participated in the complaining. I complained about my job. I complained about my relationships. I complained about where I lived. I think I even complained about the time I had to arrive at work. It was sad.
Recently I was able to get quiet and had time to think about life as a human being and asked the question, "Why are we so unhappy?". Is it religion? Is it "The American Way"? What is it exactly that has such a grip on us that happiness escapes and/or eludes so many of us? In Al-Anon, I learned about choices. When I learned about the power in making choices, things began to be so much more clear to me. Things became so clear that they were alarmingly simple. The answer to all of those questions I had: CHOICES. A lot of people will beg to differ or say that I am oversimplifying something that was much more complex an issue than I choose to acknowledge. I disagree. I challenge everyone reading these words to provide me with an example of something that they experienced in their "choice-making years A.K.A. from around 16 years old to adulthood" that was not a direct result of a choice they made. I'LL WAIT. <laughter, pause>
One of my theories on life is this: When we become responsible for our own happiness, we either negate or encourage that happiness by the choices we make. I've noticed that we make choices that consistently negate our happiness. Some of us believe that life can not be sweet without a struggle. I do not. Some of us believe that you can not truly experience happiness without knowing pain. *shrugs* I suppose that is true. But what I do not believe is that you have to experience an equal amount of pain to qualify for having a life filled with an enormous amount of pleasure. In my opinion, I think I should only have to experience and remember pain ONCE to be able to reap the benefits of pleasure over and over again. My question to people who think otherwise is why not? Should you have to cut yourself ten times to know what an orgasm feels like? *points to my chin and looks to the sky*
I think that it is that particular train of thought that helps to keep us in a position to make choices that work directly against our own happiness. And until you are aware that you are doing this, you don't realize you can change things. You believe the problem is outside of the scope of your capability. You believe you are powerless over your life and its circumstances. These are some symptoms of an individual who suffers from an anti-happiness complex. What are other examples you ask? *dons doctor's jacket and grabs my list*
And please let's not get this twisted. Everything listed in this list is something I HAVE done or am CURRENTLY doing. When I write, I make sure to include myself in the WE if it applies. I am NOT perfect and don't even aspire to be. I'm not holier than thou. What I am is more ready to accept responsibility for who I am because I understand that there is a power that comes along with that that makes room for me to change if I choose to.
*end disclaimer time*
I understand that "hard choices" are....well....hard to make. Being the pleasure seeker I AM, I'd much rather be somewhere seeking and finding pleasure than working, paying bills, washing clothes, and all those other things that are required of us as adults. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!!!! And as much as I resist those things, I know what comes with the resistance. I know that I increase my suffering by not making those "hard choices". I know I negate my happiness when I procrastinate. I understand that I diminish my pleasure when I don't take advantage of certain opportunities that will further my dreams. I understand that I choose to exercise my anti-happiness complex. Now if I can just convince the rest of the world that the anti-happiness complex exists........*points to my chin again*
Recently I was able to get quiet and had time to think about life as a human being and asked the question, "Why are we so unhappy?". Is it religion? Is it "The American Way"? What is it exactly that has such a grip on us that happiness escapes and/or eludes so many of us? In Al-Anon, I learned about choices. When I learned about the power in making choices, things began to be so much more clear to me. Things became so clear that they were alarmingly simple. The answer to all of those questions I had: CHOICES. A lot of people will beg to differ or say that I am oversimplifying something that was much more complex an issue than I choose to acknowledge. I disagree. I challenge everyone reading these words to provide me with an example of something that they experienced in their "choice-making years A.K.A. from around 16 years old to adulthood" that was not a direct result of a choice they made. I'LL WAIT. <laughter, pause>
One of my theories on life is this: When we become responsible for our own happiness, we either negate or encourage that happiness by the choices we make. I've noticed that we make choices that consistently negate our happiness. Some of us believe that life can not be sweet without a struggle. I do not. Some of us believe that you can not truly experience happiness without knowing pain. *shrugs* I suppose that is true. But what I do not believe is that you have to experience an equal amount of pain to qualify for having a life filled with an enormous amount of pleasure. In my opinion, I think I should only have to experience and remember pain ONCE to be able to reap the benefits of pleasure over and over again. My question to people who think otherwise is why not? Should you have to cut yourself ten times to know what an orgasm feels like? *points to my chin and looks to the sky*
I think that it is that particular train of thought that helps to keep us in a position to make choices that work directly against our own happiness. And until you are aware that you are doing this, you don't realize you can change things. You believe the problem is outside of the scope of your capability. You believe you are powerless over your life and its circumstances. These are some symptoms of an individual who suffers from an anti-happiness complex. What are other examples you ask? *dons doctor's jacket and grabs my list*
- Dating or committing to someone who is "not your type"
- Working at at job that you do not enjoy
- Spending money on things you want instead of things you need
- Living beyond your means
- Having a schedule and not sticking to it
- NOT HAVING A SCHEDULE
- Having a dream but not having...excuse me MAKING the time or having the courage, patience, or initiative to manifest the dream
- Blaming other people for your behavior, problems, and/or circumstances
And please let's not get this twisted. Everything listed in this list is something I HAVE done or am CURRENTLY doing. When I write, I make sure to include myself in the WE if it applies. I am NOT perfect and don't even aspire to be. I'm not holier than thou. What I am is more ready to accept responsibility for who I am because I understand that there is a power that comes along with that that makes room for me to change if I choose to.
*end disclaimer time*
I understand that "hard choices" are....well....hard to make. Being the pleasure seeker I AM, I'd much rather be somewhere seeking and finding pleasure than working, paying bills, washing clothes, and all those other things that are required of us as adults. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!!!! And as much as I resist those things, I know what comes with the resistance. I know that I increase my suffering by not making those "hard choices". I know I negate my happiness when I procrastinate. I understand that I diminish my pleasure when I don't take advantage of certain opportunities that will further my dreams. I understand that I choose to exercise my anti-happiness complex. Now if I can just convince the rest of the world that the anti-happiness complex exists........*points to my chin again*
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