Perception as Reality
For the last couple of years or so, I willingly gave up the majority of caring I had for what people thought of me. Today, I relearned that a lot of people do not understand me, my motivation, my method, and my madness. What I didn't get before today though, while I was living my life so freely, was everyone's perception of who I was. I lived inside of my head and thoughts and perception of life and didn't realize that other people weren't as interested as seeing beyond the surface and the obviousness of who I was and wasn't. I made the mistake of thinking that people "knew" me. I made the mistake of thinking that people "understood" my why.
Today I learned the reality of some people's perception of me. I'm still not sure about how I feel about it. Part of me is disturbed...because I know that people are both smart and stupid. The part of me that knows that people are both smart and stupid is fighting with the part of me that doesn't really give a f#&@! that they are. Another part of me is unconcerned....because I know that when people are afraid and/or don't understand something, they mistreat it. I'm trying to let THAT part of me take over and be with this new found information.
At best, there seems to be a level of irresponsibility in the idea that perception is reality. What I perceive is colored by my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my prejudices, my denials, my desires, and my vision for my life. The problem I have with this idea is that SO IS EVERYBODY ELSE'S. And when people color their reality with their perception of it, sometimes we color outside of the lines, use blue when the situation calls for orange, color on the wrong piece of paper, and just blatantly f#&@! some s%#@$ up. We can even tailor our perception so that it makes someone look like a monster when they actually are not.
So then that leads me to wonder, what IS reality? When I look at an apple, I know I'm looking at an apple. If I tell someone I'm looking at an orange, they are blatantly aware that I am not. But if we close our eyes and tie our hands and I use my senses to identify what I believe is fruit and tell you I have an apple, you're left to make a decision about whether or not you trust my perception of reality. We do this everyday when we interact with people who tell us about their lives. We do this when we listen to people tell us about their experiences. But what about when we watch people we know and more specifically people we do not know? How many times have we made our perceptions of someone a reality based off of what we think it is that the person is doing? The times that we're correct in our judgment do not, in my opinion, justify the times when we are not but we keep doing it. We make up our minds about people without giving them a chance to express their reality to us. Everyone has a story and a reason for being who they are. And we conveniently forget that until we become subjected to someone else's perception of our reality.
At the end of the day, I realize that this is two-fold because most people will not perceive something that is not there. If I don't give you a reason to think I have an apple, I have permission to look at you strangely when you ask me for one. I have learned again today that I have a responsibility to help you see me as accurately as possible. I have to care. I have to do my part. Everything that is within the realm of my control should be exercised properly. Anything that is not, well.....I will not be bothered with until I have to. The change that will come from the lesson that I learned today will modify my person for a lot of people. I'm ok with that because I need my entire reality to be more than just your perception of it.
Today I learned the reality of some people's perception of me. I'm still not sure about how I feel about it. Part of me is disturbed...because I know that people are both smart and stupid. The part of me that knows that people are both smart and stupid is fighting with the part of me that doesn't really give a f#&@! that they are. Another part of me is unconcerned....because I know that when people are afraid and/or don't understand something, they mistreat it. I'm trying to let THAT part of me take over and be with this new found information.
At best, there seems to be a level of irresponsibility in the idea that perception is reality. What I perceive is colored by my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my prejudices, my denials, my desires, and my vision for my life. The problem I have with this idea is that SO IS EVERYBODY ELSE'S. And when people color their reality with their perception of it, sometimes we color outside of the lines, use blue when the situation calls for orange, color on the wrong piece of paper, and just blatantly f#&@! some s%#@$ up. We can even tailor our perception so that it makes someone look like a monster when they actually are not.
So then that leads me to wonder, what IS reality? When I look at an apple, I know I'm looking at an apple. If I tell someone I'm looking at an orange, they are blatantly aware that I am not. But if we close our eyes and tie our hands and I use my senses to identify what I believe is fruit and tell you I have an apple, you're left to make a decision about whether or not you trust my perception of reality. We do this everyday when we interact with people who tell us about their lives. We do this when we listen to people tell us about their experiences. But what about when we watch people we know and more specifically people we do not know? How many times have we made our perceptions of someone a reality based off of what we think it is that the person is doing? The times that we're correct in our judgment do not, in my opinion, justify the times when we are not but we keep doing it. We make up our minds about people without giving them a chance to express their reality to us. Everyone has a story and a reason for being who they are. And we conveniently forget that until we become subjected to someone else's perception of our reality.
At the end of the day, I realize that this is two-fold because most people will not perceive something that is not there. If I don't give you a reason to think I have an apple, I have permission to look at you strangely when you ask me for one. I have learned again today that I have a responsibility to help you see me as accurately as possible. I have to care. I have to do my part. Everything that is within the realm of my control should be exercised properly. Anything that is not, well.....I will not be bothered with until I have to. The change that will come from the lesson that I learned today will modify my person for a lot of people. I'm ok with that because I need my entire reality to be more than just your perception of it.
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