Moving forward while standing still

Every now and again, I'm reminded of how delicate relationships are. I'm also usually reminded of how trying they can be also. I've been thinking about why that is the case. From my perspective and experiences, relationships can be trying because we aren't as careful as we can be and need to be with them. Multiply that with our egocentric thinking, add some selfishness, subtract a sense of community,  and you have a recipe for relationship disaster.

I'm still reeling from this weekend's "relationship" experiences and the realization that I've played an all too major role in the disintegration of my close relationships. I realized that I am way more difficult to get along with than I should be. I also learned that my listening skill level is barely out of elementary school. I spent so much time in my life trying to be heard that I almost can NOT hear other people when they are talking to me. I struggle to understand. I struggle to assimilate the information that's provided to me so that I can understand.All this, I learned INTENSELY this weekend.

In retrospect, I have been the lowest version of myself in 2010 than I have in the last 10 years. I've realized that I haven't grown as much as I thought I did. But I also realized that part of the reason I didn't grow was because I didn't take heed to the lessons life was trying to show me before. I was so busy trying to get through the pain induced by the lessons that I'm forcing myself to be introduced to the lessons so that I can actually learn them this time around. I'm ok with that. I have the knowledge of experience and the wisdom of knowing on my side this time around. I've learned how to sit still more, not completely....but much better than I used to be able to. I know that pain (or pleasure for that matter) don't last forever.

So with all this self-exploration that I've staked claim to for the last 7 of 10 years, I know that there were times that I was moving forward while standing still. 2010 was one of those times and basically, I was running in place. One of the things I was determined about when I started was not carrying baggage from one stage in my experience to the next. I'm back on that mission.

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