The Pity Party was cancelled due to lack of attendance

I'm stuck in the middle of a place trying to get closer to the end than the middle. I'm sitting two steps away from the point of no return and would like to move this boulder I strategically placed here some time ago out of my damn way.

I remember when I really realized what self-pity was. I remember feeling absolutely relieved and dumb at the same time. I was setting myself up for a pity party? Was I really buying decorations and sending out invitations and blowing up balloons and everything? Did I really buy a special dress just for the occasion?

The thing about epiphanies is that you can't unknow what you know after you know what you know. I can't act like I'm unaware that I brought these situations into my life. I can no longer pretend that I'm ignorant to the root of the issue. When thinking about LIFE and LIVING and DRAMA, the idea of a pity party makes so much sense and no sense at the same time. Why do I need drama in order to feel alive? (Even if it's only a little bit!) Is that just human nature? Is conflict REALLY a part of living? And if so, do I accept it or fight it to the death and strive for peace? FIGHTING FOR PEACE....what an oxymoron.

I don't have the answers to those questions RIGHT NOW but all I know is that it's time to hang the dress and get a refund on the balloons and cake and party favors. The pity party that was scheduled for today was cancelled due to lack of attendance. I've got other shit to do.

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