D.evolving

I need to spend some time alone. I don't know how plausible that idea is since I have children but I'm sure I could work something out. But I realize that I need to spend some time alone. I need to think. I feel myself devolving.....again. I know that I'm stressed. I know that I'm frustrated because I'm sitting in my shortcomings and wishing that they weren't there. I know that I'm frustrated because I have an attitude with people I don't know and a more serious one with the people who are close to me. I'm not accepting life on life's terms. I'm attracting chaos into my space. I'm attracting situations that reinforce the need to be angry. This is the opposite of good.

I'm at work not wanting to work. I'm running around in circles trying to move The Evolution of Perspective forward. My thoughts are jumbled and I haven't been motivated to write. I haven't been motivated to read. I haven't been motivated to find new music. Yeah, I'm devolving. I don't want to be who I used to be. She wasn't happy. When I'm unhappy, I'm miserable to be around. Everything I focus on is negative. Nothing is great.

I was talking to my friend about this and told him that I would take the necessary time to get back to my evolution. I'll start by being alone. I'll continue by being quiet. I think I've been here before but I'm not quite sure. It feels familiar but I don't know if I can't recognize it because I've grown so much that it doesn't look exactly the same. I remember before when I felt like this, I felt helpless. I felt like life was winning. I don't feel like that today. I feel like I need to get still and be quiet so I can make sense of what's going on and then act accordingly and work WITH life. I'm prepared to be here as long as it takes but I don't think I'll need to be here long.

Sometimes you have to get down so you can get back up. *sits on the floor* OK I'm ready.

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