Who you calling a.......FRIEND
So apparently, up until recently I had an incomplete definition of what it means to have a friend. And according to my most recent experiences, I had even less of a clue than what I originally thought of what it means to be a friend. While I haven't processed my thoughts completely, something inside of me feels like I'm operating off of a 1979-1980ish definition of friendship. (I was born in the 70's btw).
I thought I was doing some slick growing up type stuff by disconnecting myself from people, places, and things that no longer served "the new and improved" me. I thought I was helping myself out by "not taking any crap" off the people who had known me long enough to know better. I thought that was a great part of my E.Volution. Nobody was off limits except my children. Anybody could get the ax. I bragged to people about it and shunned people who weren't able to do it. How dare you allow people to occupy space in your world when they clearly haven't earned, maintained, or appreciated their position?
You know when I realized it wasn't cute? When my friend of 30+ years came to me and told me how my actions affected her. I cried. For the very first time in my life, I connected with the idea that "cutting someone off" leaves them cut. What was the point of me being friends with someone if something they did could cause me to put them out of my life? I'm still contemplating the answer. What is the point of bringing someone into my life and my space only to either suddenly or gradually edge them out because I wasn't willing to accept ALL of them. Am I really a fair-weather friend? It kinda makes me sad to think that all this time, I've been that to people I claim to care about.
I was recently reconnected with another friend. We didn't have the history on our side. But the lessons learned during our short stint made up for the amount of time.
I think I'm very fortunate that I'm surrounded by people who know what it means to be a friend. I need examples. So without digging too deeply into the trenches of my mind, I've come up with the following: A friend is someone who loves and accepts you for who you are and makes a decision to travel through the journey of life with you, beside you, behind you, and in front of you to help to make you and them a better person. I think that sums up what I've learned about friendship thus far in my life. I also think that I can replace that as my gauge and feel comfortable using it to help make my part of friendships more meaningful and less "what they are now".
To all of my friends I say, "Thank you for staying my friend!"
I thought I was doing some slick growing up type stuff by disconnecting myself from people, places, and things that no longer served "the new and improved" me. I thought I was helping myself out by "not taking any crap" off the people who had known me long enough to know better. I thought that was a great part of my E.Volution. Nobody was off limits except my children. Anybody could get the ax. I bragged to people about it and shunned people who weren't able to do it. How dare you allow people to occupy space in your world when they clearly haven't earned, maintained, or appreciated their position?
You know when I realized it wasn't cute? When my friend of 30+ years came to me and told me how my actions affected her. I cried. For the very first time in my life, I connected with the idea that "cutting someone off" leaves them cut. What was the point of me being friends with someone if something they did could cause me to put them out of my life? I'm still contemplating the answer. What is the point of bringing someone into my life and my space only to either suddenly or gradually edge them out because I wasn't willing to accept ALL of them. Am I really a fair-weather friend? It kinda makes me sad to think that all this time, I've been that to people I claim to care about.
I was recently reconnected with another friend. We didn't have the history on our side. But the lessons learned during our short stint made up for the amount of time.
I think I'm very fortunate that I'm surrounded by people who know what it means to be a friend. I need examples. So without digging too deeply into the trenches of my mind, I've come up with the following: A friend is someone who loves and accepts you for who you are and makes a decision to travel through the journey of life with you, beside you, behind you, and in front of you to help to make you and them a better person. I think that sums up what I've learned about friendship thus far in my life. I also think that I can replace that as my gauge and feel comfortable using it to help make my part of friendships more meaningful and less "what they are now".
To all of my friends I say, "Thank you for staying my friend!"
It's a beautiful thing when you're able to put yourself under the microscope. Friend is quite a word and I'm sure we've all over or underused it from time to time. I know I have. You wouldn't be living up to your name if you didn't learn the way you are...I think it's pretty brave to even write this.
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