Practicing and Preaching Authenticity in Relationships

I've been talking to people about relationships for a little under 4 years now. I've been making it a Perspectives Rap Session discussion topic since last year (I believe). In that time, I've held some pretty dysfunctional romantic connections. One of them hurt me in a way that I don't believe I've ever experienced before. For the first time I could remember, my presence in someone's life was way more of a problem than a benefit (before, during, AND after that is). And that problem spilled over into so many other aspects of my life and his. That's the nature of addiction though. I remember being "in" the connection and thinking about my level of hypocrisy. How was it that I'm having open, honest discussions about quality in relationships when I'm knee-deep in some bullshit? I knew I had to get out of it. He did too. And we did. It was ugly and it changed my life but I'm glad it's over.

The last connection wasn't as bad emotionally. I just knew we weren't right for each other. I have a list. He's not "the list". When I did the radio show about Abuse in Intimate Relationships, I knew that the end was near because while I wasn't being abused, I wasn't getting what I needed out of the relationship. Hold up...that's still abuse right? Me abusing myself. When I planned that show about Healthy Relationships, I knew I had to end it. So I did, the day before the show aired and I have no plans or intentions of going back. Everybody asked me why. It's because I NEED to practice what I preach....ESPECIALLY where relationships are concerned. I've learned so much about myself and others through my work and the one thing I never want anyone to be able to do is look at my current situation and say, "Uhm, excuse me, but I'm not listening to what you're saying because you're not even in a healthy relationship yourself." or anything similar to that. I'm good with being an example. It keeps me on my toes.

You can look at my past and see how murky the waters were. But you will NOT be able to look at my current situation and see murk. I refuse. When I say I am absolutely disgusted by hyprocrisy, I mean it. I dislike it in me and in other people but ESPECIALLY in myself. I'm grateful for situations that pushed me into having to practice what I preach. Now I can move forward with bridging the communication gap in relationships one conversation at a time and not feel anything but pleasure in what I'm doing. I can breathe easy and that's freedom. I like freedom. I like the idea of being authentic even more.

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