Reflecting for my birthday

I noticed myself getting into a little funk last night. I almost turned the tables on my friend and turned our outing into a fiasco. I caught myself and got quiet. I'm glad I did. I've been pretty quiet since then. My birthday has a way of inspiring me to look at myself and look at who I was and who I'm becoming.

I've been wondering lately about why I'm not as connected to the level of happiness that's in front of me. I feel like I'm not as close to the people I usually surround myself with. I also know that time spent alone is never really a bad thing. It gives you time to think. I'm getting to the point where I can appreciate quiet. It's still pretty disturbing to me at times but I'm getting there. I remember what I learned from my sister about balance. I shouldn't be dependent on people to entertain me....especially if I'm running away from myself or something I need to deal with.

WHO I WAS:
I realize that she's gone and that I can accept that today. Loving and making peace with all the things I did before helps to reaffirm me today and every day moving forward. There's no going back. There's no undoing. I look back at her and realize that I've learned a lot and I've grown a lot.

WHO I AM:
I realize that while I'm in perpetual forward motion, this moment is the one that counts. I shouldn't deny it or anything experienced in it.

WHO I WILL BE:
I realize that the quality of my life is directly connected to the quality of the choices and decisions I make. I get to be whomever I choose to be! I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. My history reflects that. All I need to do is make up my mind and make good choices.

I feel myself moving away from the "funk" I felt and feeling the warmth of self-love. Life is good!


Comments

  1. Dunori9/10/2011 11:23:00 AM

    Glad to see that you got to feeling better so soon. It may be a sign that your "Secret" is sharing, communication-wise, with others.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown9/10/2011 12:25:00 PM

    That is definitely part of the "secret"! LOL

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What leaving Facebook showed me about myself

This will probably end up being a listicle (list/article)......because energy..... What leaving Facebook for a little under 2 weeks showed me about myself: 1. I was absolutely addicted to logging in and interacting with the toxicity on FB. I aggravated anxiety, triggered myself, and could not find the strength to turn away most days. I was annoyed with people and their thoughts, their opinions, their pity parties, their expression, and just them. But I could not find the strength to turn away most days. 2. I tricked myself into believing that I could manage the addiction (because that's what addiction looks like). I unfollowed people, muted people, unfriended people, blocked people, tried to stay on my own timeline, and tried to only go to certain people's pages. INSTEAD OF LOGGING OUT AND OFF so I am admitting to myself and to other people that my life became unmanageable. 3. I only claimed I wanted to be successful. I didn't do the things I knew I needed to do to
Read more

An Honest Assessment of My Love Life

So they say we date at our self-esteem levels. It must be at the bottom of the level. I’m laughing to myself as I type this, but I’m very serious. I’ve never dated what I consider to be a high quality man. I’m not sure I’ve ever even attracted one. I ask myself do I consider myself to be a high quality woman. Parts of me say yes and parts of me say no. The parts of me that say yes are the parts that know that I can be sweet, caring, and nurturing. The parts of me that say yes know that I am smart, ambitious, and talented. Those parts don’t attract men to me though. Not closely anyway. Those parts attract my admirers. Those parts attract the men who want to partner with me to get work done. The parts of me that I don’t consider to be high quality are the parts of me that make their way to the surface and find my partners. These men are not transparent. They are not honest. They have very questionable levels of integrity. They are not growing at the same pace that I want to grow. Are th
Read more

Beyonce, Trump, and The War on Black Unity

I don't know if I can think of a woman, black woman more specifically, who is more polarizing in 2017 than Beyonce'. She announced today that she was pregnant with twins. And like clockwork, people on the far right and others on the far left took to social media to stand (either up or down) for Beyonce and her announcement. She's been called a distraction, a queen, and a lot of things in between. I joked on social media before about putting in an application for the BeyHive when she dropped Lemonade. I'm not a hater, nor am I a stan. I sit right in the middle. I enjoy listening to and dancing to her music. I enjoy watching her perform. I'd never pay to see her live. And while I think that she's arguably the greatest performer in my children's generation, I have the benefit of having lived long enough to know other great performers. It's the first day of February. It's officially Black History Month. For some of us, it's a time to celebrate ou
Read more