The Evolution of Perspective

One of the things I have realized about growing is that I can be so averse to it that I can get crafty in my determination to avoid it. I'm not exactly sure why that is. I know that when you reach a certain level of connection to your best self, the "reversion" seems to be worse. How can you come so far only to slip back to where you fought so hard to get away from? It doesn't make sense to me except the notion that where I was is familiar. Nevermind that it's uncomfortable. It seems like, at times, I'm much more comfortable with being uncomfortable if I can be AWARE of where I am and what I'm doing. *smh* It dawned on me about 6 or so years ago that I like to take people on as projects to avoid having to deal with my day to day living AND to avoid having to deal with my Self and my life. At first I thought it was just men. It takes a lot of talent and dedication to drama and chaos  to find broken men over and over and work hard to try to put them togeth...

There's so much I want to say. There's so much I want to complain about. There's so much I want to yell and scream about. Yesterday was A DAMN DAY for me......and when I say a damn day, I don't mean it in the sense that it was JUST a damn day. I mean it in the sense that there was so much going on yesterday and I went to sleep feeling some kind of way. I woke up feeling some kind of way too. Social networking sites where people are allowed to express their opinion remind me of all the things I love and abhor in people. On the one hand, I watch people come together for the sake of unity. I see it. It's a beautiful thing to watch. On the other hand, I observe the sheer ignorance, self-righteousness, hatefulness, and treacherousness of people. *disclaimer: Whenever I talk about people in general, I do not neglect to include myself in the UP or DOWN side of human nature. end disclaimer* Everybody thinks they have it right. Everybody thinks everybody else is wrong. It ...

REMIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. OK let me try this again. I think the last blog was erased because I was probably going to whine and complain way more than what was necessary to get my point across. N T WAY! We look at people, places, things, and situations through whatever experiences we've had in order to bring us to the current moment. The problem I see with that is that our glasses are either usually dirty or rose-colored. If I've been hurt before and what you say to me reminds me of that, I don't always react from the feelings of the current moment. I usually dredge up ALL of the sludge that I either tried to bury OR DIDN'T and in doing so re-experience the feelings, hurt, pain, etc of the past PLUS whatever reaction I'm experiencing based on the current situation.  I read about this in a book before and wondered HARD and LONG about what the benefit of remembering is. .....and even more so what the benefit of remembering and holding on are. Every mome...

So I'm listening to Erykah Badu's Bag Lady this afternoon on the drive home and I promise you whenever I hear the song, my mind gets to churning. I start thinking about the bags that I carry around with me and how I hold them so tightly. If you asked me ten years ago, it was the brother loading and packing the backpack and I just took it and walked around with it. That's partially true in the sense that in order to carry around another person's issues, you have to AGREE TO CARRY AROUND another person's issues. Today, my experience has E.Volved from that. I learned not to take bags so quickly from them. What I haven't quite learned is to put their bags out back for pickup when they leave. I recognize that the bags are in the basement. I know that they're in the attic. One of them is in the trunk of my car. And another one is on my porch. I need to figure out exactly why I'm still keeping them around so let me try to do that RIGHT NOW. Keeping bags aroun...

There's been an inordinate amount of change going on in my life recently. The changes are moving me into a direction that I'm sure will be beneficial to everything I've ever envisioned for myself recently. Over the past 6.5 years, I've consciously experienced more growth and change. I've been aware of the shifts. I watch them occur or see them more clearly and quickly after a shift occurs. I'm tuning into my intuition and trusting that while what's happening might make me feel a certain kind of way at the time, better things are coming. Instead of feeling bad about what's happening, I'm embracing it. It's amazing the experiences that you have that store up a reserve of wisdom you are able to tap into when you need it most. I need the wisdom of my past relationship experiences to sustain me right now and that's what I'm drawing on. I don't feel desperate. I don't feel needy. I feel curious but that curiosity is tamed. I learned a...