Trusting the process

There's been an inordinate amount of change going on in my life recently. The changes are moving me into a direction that I'm sure will be beneficial to everything I've ever envisioned for myself recently. Over the past 6.5 years, I've consciously experienced more growth and change. I've been aware of the shifts. I watch them occur or see them more clearly and quickly after a shift occurs. I'm tuning into my intuition and trusting that while what's happening might make me feel a certain kind of way at the time, better things are coming.

Instead of feeling bad about what's happening, I'm embracing it. It's amazing the experiences that you have that store up a reserve of wisdom you are able to tap into when you need it most. I need the wisdom of my past relationship experiences to sustain me right now and that's what I'm drawing on. I don't feel desperate. I don't feel needy. I feel curious but that curiosity is tamed. I learned a long time ago why it's important to busy yourself with life so that when something seems to be wrong (or go astray) you're not left with an empty hole that you so desperately need to fill. You end up filling the hole with things that don't help you anyway. THANK GOODNESS FOR GROWTH!

Life is about ebb and flow. Life is about ups and downs. But ultimately, for me life is about balance. You go through things to get to things and lose some things to get better things. I still see where my personality requires reconciliation. Those places where I'm not loving, not forgiving, not patient, and not understanding are some of the final frontiers (so to speak) on the journey toward my E.Volution. Right now, I'm able to see the people and experiences as tools to help me to be a better version of myself. I haven't figured out life completely but I definitely have a lot of the clarity that I used to adamantly pray for 15 years ago.

I know where my happy place is and recognize when I'm not there. I'm open to change for the better and respect the fact that I'm still (and will always be) a work in process. I know when I'm disconnected from goodness. I also know that I will never be too far from it. I'm closer to the point of believing that everything happens in order for something good to happen. I'm closer to the point of being able to make sense of the world around me. Today, I am trusting the process of life again.

Comments

  1. Dunori9/10/2011 11:13:00 AM

    I'm sure some of your fans may be saying to themselves "what changes is she talking about?" upon reading this, both out of curiosity and maybe also to provide words of empathy but perhaps whatever it is you don't want to put on display in cyberspace, understandably. I guess you can expect us to reach out to you on a 1 on 1 level to discuss it more in depth if you are willing (which some of us may already have done).

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown9/10/2011 12:22:00 PM

    You're welcome to call me at anytime sir!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What leaving Facebook showed me about myself

This will probably end up being a listicle (list/article)......because energy..... What leaving Facebook for a little under 2 weeks showed me about myself: 1. I was absolutely addicted to logging in and interacting with the toxicity on FB. I aggravated anxiety, triggered myself, and could not find the strength to turn away most days. I was annoyed with people and their thoughts, their opinions, their pity parties, their expression, and just them. But I could not find the strength to turn away most days. 2. I tricked myself into believing that I could manage the addiction (because that's what addiction looks like). I unfollowed people, muted people, unfriended people, blocked people, tried to stay on my own timeline, and tried to only go to certain people's pages. INSTEAD OF LOGGING OUT AND OFF so I am admitting to myself and to other people that my life became unmanageable. 3. I only claimed I wanted to be successful. I didn't do the things I knew I needed to do to
Read more

An Honest Assessment of My Love Life

So they say we date at our self-esteem levels. It must be at the bottom of the level. I’m laughing to myself as I type this, but I’m very serious. I’ve never dated what I consider to be a high quality man. I’m not sure I’ve ever even attracted one. I ask myself do I consider myself to be a high quality woman. Parts of me say yes and parts of me say no. The parts of me that say yes are the parts that know that I can be sweet, caring, and nurturing. The parts of me that say yes know that I am smart, ambitious, and talented. Those parts don’t attract men to me though. Not closely anyway. Those parts attract my admirers. Those parts attract the men who want to partner with me to get work done. The parts of me that I don’t consider to be high quality are the parts of me that make their way to the surface and find my partners. These men are not transparent. They are not honest. They have very questionable levels of integrity. They are not growing at the same pace that I want to grow. Are th
Read more

Beyonce, Trump, and The War on Black Unity

I don't know if I can think of a woman, black woman more specifically, who is more polarizing in 2017 than Beyonce'. She announced today that she was pregnant with twins. And like clockwork, people on the far right and others on the far left took to social media to stand (either up or down) for Beyonce and her announcement. She's been called a distraction, a queen, and a lot of things in between. I joked on social media before about putting in an application for the BeyHive when she dropped Lemonade. I'm not a hater, nor am I a stan. I sit right in the middle. I enjoy listening to and dancing to her music. I enjoy watching her perform. I'd never pay to see her live. And while I think that she's arguably the greatest performer in my children's generation, I have the benefit of having lived long enough to know other great performers. It's the first day of February. It's officially Black History Month. For some of us, it's a time to celebrate ou
Read more