Tired of having people as projects
One of the things I have realized about growing is that I can be so averse to it that I can get crafty in my determination to avoid it. I'm not exactly sure why that is. I know that when you reach a certain level of connection to your best self, the "reversion" seems to be worse. How can you come so far only to slip back to where you fought so hard to get away from? It doesn't make sense to me except the notion that where I was is familiar. Nevermind that it's uncomfortable. It seems like, at times, I'm much more comfortable with being uncomfortable if I can be AWARE of where I am and what I'm doing. *smh*
It dawned on me about 6 or so years ago that I like to take people on as projects to avoid having to deal with my day to day living AND to avoid having to deal with my Self and my life. At first I thought it was just men. It takes a lot of talent and dedication to drama and chaos to find broken men over and over and work hard to try to put them together. It also takes a TON of focus. Instead of worrying about my financial situation, I help him with his. Instead of concerning myself with my career and education, I turn my attention to his. Instead of dealing with my life, I hone in on his. And what do I do when there's no man around? I turn to my friends, family, and acquaintances. Since there's ALWAYS something going on, there's always something for me to comment on. There's always advice to give. There's always something to rescue someone from. There's always a problem or situation to listen to.
One of the things I pride myself on is showing up on time. I do not like to be late for anything. I think it's disrespectful. It didn't dawn on me fully until this weekend how I've been showing up late to all of my own affairs because I'm always in someone else's business. Now grant it, the person INVITED me to their business. I used to feel good that people "sought the wisdom of my experience". Now I'm beginning to see more and more how I'm relieving people of the responsibility of their own lives. And in doing so, my own life will become unmanageable. If I'm always trying to help someone find a solution to their problem, my problems are sure to go unaddressed. REALLY SLICK LETRICE! There's nothing like another person's drama. I can create solutions and have you on your merry little way. And in the meantime, I come back to my life and it's chaotic and out of order and filled with solutions that aren't appropriately applied to my own situation.
*disclaimer - I WILL SAY SHIT ALOT IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH - end disclaimer*
And don't get me wrong. There's a difference between the experiences of living that we all have to contend with VERSUS the drama that some people create for themselves in order to feel alive. While I believe we all create our own problems through the choices we make, I also believe that some of us go THE EXTRA MILE so that we can always have some shit going on. I'm getting too old to be ALWAYS having some shit going on. Life is going on enough. If you're the friend who's ALWAYS calling your friends because you have some shit going on, you need to understand that you are a burden to your friends. What could they be accomplishing if they weren't always dealing with your shit? And even if they choose not to accomplish anything, they STILL should not have to always be dealing with your shit.
Love, relationships, friendship, and family were never meant to feel like a burden. All of those things are blessings and we are fortunate when we have those in abundance and the connections are quality. Deal with your life for you first and then for your family, friends, children, loved ones, and strangers. No one should be sighing and shuddering when they see you coming. Your presence should be a benefit. It should not be a distraction from someone's day to day living.
*drops the mic and sashays away*
It dawned on me about 6 or so years ago that I like to take people on as projects to avoid having to deal with my day to day living AND to avoid having to deal with my Self and my life. At first I thought it was just men. It takes a lot of talent and dedication to drama and chaos to find broken men over and over and work hard to try to put them together. It also takes a TON of focus. Instead of worrying about my financial situation, I help him with his. Instead of concerning myself with my career and education, I turn my attention to his. Instead of dealing with my life, I hone in on his. And what do I do when there's no man around? I turn to my friends, family, and acquaintances. Since there's ALWAYS something going on, there's always something for me to comment on. There's always advice to give. There's always something to rescue someone from. There's always a problem or situation to listen to.
One of the things I pride myself on is showing up on time. I do not like to be late for anything. I think it's disrespectful. It didn't dawn on me fully until this weekend how I've been showing up late to all of my own affairs because I'm always in someone else's business. Now grant it, the person INVITED me to their business. I used to feel good that people "sought the wisdom of my experience". Now I'm beginning to see more and more how I'm relieving people of the responsibility of their own lives. And in doing so, my own life will become unmanageable. If I'm always trying to help someone find a solution to their problem, my problems are sure to go unaddressed. REALLY SLICK LETRICE! There's nothing like another person's drama. I can create solutions and have you on your merry little way. And in the meantime, I come back to my life and it's chaotic and out of order and filled with solutions that aren't appropriately applied to my own situation.
*disclaimer - I WILL SAY SHIT ALOT IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH - end disclaimer*
And don't get me wrong. There's a difference between the experiences of living that we all have to contend with VERSUS the drama that some people create for themselves in order to feel alive. While I believe we all create our own problems through the choices we make, I also believe that some of us go THE EXTRA MILE so that we can always have some shit going on. I'm getting too old to be ALWAYS having some shit going on. Life is going on enough. If you're the friend who's ALWAYS calling your friends because you have some shit going on, you need to understand that you are a burden to your friends. What could they be accomplishing if they weren't always dealing with your shit? And even if they choose not to accomplish anything, they STILL should not have to always be dealing with your shit.
Love, relationships, friendship, and family were never meant to feel like a burden. All of those things are blessings and we are fortunate when we have those in abundance and the connections are quality. Deal with your life for you first and then for your family, friends, children, loved ones, and strangers. No one should be sighing and shuddering when they see you coming. Your presence should be a benefit. It should not be a distraction from someone's day to day living.
*drops the mic and sashays away*
wow.... right from my center left brain..lol.. cray za zee........ I am always encouraged by your strength in opening yourself up... It gives me that little extra push to be okay with doing the same :)
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