Putting the bags down and out

So I'm listening to Erykah Badu's Bag Lady this afternoon on the drive home and I promise you whenever I hear the song, my mind gets to churning. I start thinking about the bags that I carry around with me and how I hold them so tightly. If you asked me ten years ago, it was the brother loading and packing the backpack and I just took it and walked around with it. That's partially true in the sense that in order to carry around another person's issues, you have to AGREE TO CARRY AROUND another person's issues. Today, my experience has E.Volved from that. I learned not to take bags so quickly from them. What I haven't quite learned is to put their bags out back for pickup when they leave. I recognize that the bags are in the basement. I know that they're in the attic. One of them is in the trunk of my car. And another one is on my porch. I need to figure out exactly why I'm still keeping them around so let me try to do that RIGHT NOW.

Keeping bags around........

1. prevents me from moving forward in my life. IN A SICK DYSFUNCTIONAL way, that gives me something to complain about.
2. is a reminder of the pain I experienced in the past. Have I learned enough to avoid repeating the same mistakes and following the same patterns? Maybe not, if I haven't let the bags go.

I'll stop right there because that's actually enough. My back is my support. Carrying unnecessary bags on my back prevents me from receiving emotional and financial support and helps guilt to fester. (check out You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay for more clarification) The bags are getting in my way. I'm letting them get in my way.

"you can't hurry up cause you got too much stuff. when they see you coming n*ggas take off running. one day he gon say you crowding my space."

Sounds way too loud tonight.

Conventional wisdom says that when you love yourself, others are able to love you. Conventional wisdom says that you will receive the amount of love and energy that you believe you deserve. Conventional wisdom says that the universe does not say no to our requests. It honors whatever they are and whatever we believe.

So I'll sit with myself and figure out the lessons I was supposed to learn that are piled up in all these bags so I can throw them out with the rest of the garbage I've elected to get rid of because it no longer serves me. I'll be still and pick the bags apart and make some sense of the chaos to be able to grow. I gotta get rid of these bags so that I'm not left holding them and the next "he" doesn't have to move them out of his way to get to the good part.

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