The opposite of random....thoughts

It’s that feeling you get when you know you should be doing something else. When you know you should be doing something bigger than what you’re currently doing. You know, when you wake up and realize that you slowly but surely got off track…….one tragic step in the wrong direction at a time. I recently realized this. It almost broke me down. I remember wanting to scream and cry and stomp and pout like a baby. I cried. And for a while, I allowed myself to become a victim. I kept wondering why people were trying to treat me the way they were. I didn’t like it. I wanted them to stop. Then I talked to someone and I talked myself away from the ledge. I talked my way through and out of my issue. I walked away from being a victim. I remembered that I am in charge. I remembered that I have the right to make things happen. I also remembered that I have a responsibility to. So I made some appointments and decisions. I started thinking of a master plan. I realized that it’s only my fault when there’s nothing but sweat inside my hand.

I realize that it’s so much easier to pout and cry. But the problem with being a victim is that you need someone else to save you. I don’t appreciate waiting on people. I won’t appreciate waiting on someone else to give my life the green light. And while I realize that no woman is an island, I know that I am responsible for my destiny.

I’m not sure where the answers to life are. I’m not sure I need most them. I’m ok with not being sure right now.  I’m not convinced that we aren’t living in some kind of matrix. What I am sure of though is that I decided to take a clear step in a different direction at a time when I needed to.