The Evolution of Perspective

*disclaimer* SO SORRY for the vagueness of this post.... So for a while now, I've been struggling hard at accepting a certain thing in my life. When I think about the situation thoroughly, it's not answers that I'm looking for. I have the answers to any question that I have about the situation. I was asked whether or not I needed closure. Because I have the answers, I'm thinking I have closure. For me, closure would be about clarification. I don't need clarification about what happened. I was more present at the time than it appeared on the outside. So I'm baffled because I don't know what it is about this situation that I can't seem to let it go and just accept that it was what it was. I thought it was control. But it doesn't feel quite like control so much. I asked myself if I was done processing it. I know I am not. I asked myself if time will improve this. I am sure it will. Is this just a case of me failing to allow time to do what it does? ...

*dusts my desk* I didn't even look to see when the last time I posted here was. I was feeling a certain kind of way about myself for not writing. It's not that I've been uninspired. I most certainly have been experiencing things to write about. People around me have been going through things that could prompt me to write. "The difference in your level of success depends on the consistency of forward moving and positive action.....or lack there of ."

I remember this time 10 years ago almost like it was yesterday. I was about to turn 30. I was in the process of evaluating and reevaluating my life. I wasn't satisfied with my relationship at the time. I wasn't satisfied with my job. I wasn't satisfied with many of the choices that I'd made at that point in my life. I wasn't bad off but I definitely wasn't where I thought I needed to be. I told myself emphatically that I REFUSED to walk into my 30's with the same issues I battled with in my 20's. It's been almost 10 years to the calendar year and I can definitely see how and where I have changed. I can also see how and where I have not. 2011 is almost over. When the year begins to wind down, I start reflecting (even more) on what I accomplished, what I didn't, and what I plan to do about the coming year. I did a lot. I blogged. I facilitated Rap Sessions. I hosted a Blog Talk Radio show. I networked. I helped people. I hurt people. And I watche...

One of the things I have realized about growing is that I can be so averse to it that I can get crafty in my determination to avoid it. I'm not exactly sure why that is. I know that when you reach a certain level of connection to your best self, the "reversion" seems to be worse. How can you come so far only to slip back to where you fought so hard to get away from? It doesn't make sense to me except the notion that where I was is familiar. Nevermind that it's uncomfortable. It seems like, at times, I'm much more comfortable with being uncomfortable if I can be AWARE of where I am and what I'm doing. *smh* It dawned on me about 6 or so years ago that I like to take people on as projects to avoid having to deal with my day to day living AND to avoid having to deal with my Self and my life. At first I thought it was just men. It takes a lot of talent and dedication to drama and chaos  to find broken men over and over and work hard to try to put them togeth...

There's so much I want to say. There's so much I want to complain about. There's so much I want to yell and scream about. Yesterday was A DAMN DAY for me......and when I say a damn day, I don't mean it in the sense that it was JUST a damn day. I mean it in the sense that there was so much going on yesterday and I went to sleep feeling some kind of way. I woke up feeling some kind of way too. Social networking sites where people are allowed to express their opinion remind me of all the things I love and abhor in people. On the one hand, I watch people come together for the sake of unity. I see it. It's a beautiful thing to watch. On the other hand, I observe the sheer ignorance, self-righteousness, hatefulness, and treacherousness of people. *disclaimer: Whenever I talk about people in general, I do not neglect to include myself in the UP or DOWN side of human nature. end disclaimer* Everybody thinks they have it right. Everybody thinks everybody else is wrong. It ...