The Evolution of Perspective

I've been talking too much lately. I've been talking about the wrong things to the wrong people under the wrong circumstances. I caught myself the other day. The messed up part about it is that I've done it for so long that it took me a minute to remember what the right things to talk about are. Drama is pervasive. It's sneaky. It looks very different at each level of evolving. But it always looks like a distraction. It looks like minding other people's business. It looks like trying to "help" people when they didn't ask for my help. It looks like trying to help people when they really don't want to change. It looks like paying attention to the details of someone else's situation when my own are frayed and coming undone. There are more than enough areas of my own life that require my attention. The fact that I feel like I can devote any significant amount of time to anyone else's life to me means that I still have a lot of growing up to d...

NOTE TO SELF: Drama is more appropriate in tv, movies, and literature than in real life. That's why you made a conscious effort to keep it out of your space. My future ain't urban fiction!

So I'm talking to my friend tonight. We're talking about the whole dating thing. He is a nice guy. He's a gentleman, he's respectful, he's funny, and I enjoy his company. He enjoys mine. I ask him why he doesn't have a girlfriend. The obvious answer is because he doesn't want one. He goes on to explain to me that he has trouble trusting women. I can understand that. Some of us do things that deem us untrustworthy. He also explains that he's more of a loner. I definitely can understand that. I was talking to him about the lessons I learned from my last relationship. I make a joke about how the dude couldn't have possibly liked me that much because of some of the things he'd say and do. I'm really glad that I can make light of the situation a lot more now. It signifies, to me at least, how much I've moved on and am no longer hurt as much about the idea of not being connected to him. And while I'm not rushing the process, I am fully aw...

I have a lot of male friends. I have two brothers. I have some male acquaintances. I have some exes. I was having a conversation with one of my male friends and it dawned on me once again that as much as women pride themselves on being the 'smarter' sex, it never ceases to amaze me how much we play ourselves by not paying attention to the very people who we claim to want and allude to being superior to. *disclaimer* I am not speaking about all women or all men in this blog. I, however, do not want to continue to write some 700 times. *end disclaimer* This imagined intellectual and emotional superiority leaves a lot of us with our feelings hurts. When you think that you're smarter than someone, it's easy to underestimate who and what they are. The greatest lesson that I got out of my conversation last night was that for men, time and money are important. It's not that I didn't know it before. I learned it in a different way last night. If he's giving you ...

I look out my window today because I hear a lot of people outside. I see a guy prepping a blunt. He's sitting on the curb in between two cars putting weed in a blunt. It's 4:30 in the afternoon on a Monday. I watch him for about 15 seconds to make sure he's doing what I think he's doing and then I walk outside and ask if he can do that elsewhere. He says that he's waiting for his ride to come to the car and taps the car to his right. I go in the house and start thinking. Do I remember the transition? Do I remember the point in time when it became o.k. to sit in the street and roll up a fat one? I can vaguely remember people starting to not give a f*ck. I want to say it started with my generation. The one that followed me and the one that followed it are very into themselves. By that I mean, we do things and aren't as necessarily concerned with the impact or influence on others. I'm sure that is a variation of a personal freedom but with freedom comes a diffe...

I've watched several intimate connections disconnect in many ways over the last week or so. One of them was mine. Something shifted. Something's in the water. Something's in the air. WHATEVER. One of the things that I realized was that I didn't pay attention to my intuition. Fifteen years ago, if I didn't pay attention to my intuition, I ignored the fact that I didn't pay attention to it and blamed him for being who he was. Today, I realize that the longer I ignore that NAGGING THOUGHT that this person isn't the right person for me, the longer I delay the inevitable. The more I ignore the warning signs, the more I open myself to someone else's foolishness. Some people will take advantage if you let them. Some people will walk through an opened door....even if the sign on the door reads "If you walk through this you will hurt my feelings". They'll walk through the door if they believe that there's something on the other side of the door ...