Woah woah woah woah feelings.

I'm struggling to find a place to start so I'm going to just type that and see where this goes. I know what I'm trying to say....I think. I want to talk about how my mind feels like a trap for my feelings. I want to talk about how my feelings bum rush my mind's door because they're trying to get out. They need to get out. They need to be acknowledged. They need to be validated. Or at least that's what they believe. Some of them are siblings. Hurt and pain look a lot alike. Some of them are distant relatives. Pain and frustration know each other and hang out some time.

I picture the feelings moving around bumping into each other in my head. And when one finds an opening, they all rush to get out. Sometimes they all get stuck at the opening. Sometimes two or three of them make their way out. Sometimes the ones that make their way out don't match. So I'm stuck trying to figure out which one to give the mic to. I sometimes give the mic to the wrong one and the other one wants to leave.

Then there are times when none of them can get out so they fight on the inside. That's what mental pain feels like......feelings fighting for freedom.

Then there are times when too many of them get out and they're just left there naked and exposed and vulnerable and unprotected. And there are too many of them to gather them all up to put back inside. And I don't know what to do so I end up breaking something to distract myself from the fact that I can't manage them. I end up doing something and nothing at the same time. I'm standing still.

What I would like to be able to do is slow down time so I can look at all of them, one by one. I'd like to acknowledge them, put them where they belong, and deal with them accordingly. I'd like to be able to clean them up and prop them up so I can see them and target the ones that are going to allow me to do what's necessary.

I think I'm done writing for now.
Thank you for listening.

Comments

  1. Dunori8/13/2013 12:02:00 PM

    "What I would like to be able to do is..." - doesn't seem too difficult with genuine effort. Have you made the attempt?

    ReplyDelete

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