The Evolution of Perspective

I used to vent here. I E.Volved here. I backslid here. I vented here. I changed here. I USED TO VENT HERE. I haven't posted in forever. For some, that's not a good thing. For me, however, I realize in retrospect that I haven't had a lot to complain about. I've been busy. I've been building. I've been connecting. I have not been causing or participating in destruction. HOW FUCKIN AWESOME AM I? I make a decision to do and be better and I look up and am better than a motherfugger. I have to decide what I will do with this blog since I won't be needing it to vent regularly. I don't really have the kind of time I want to reflect on things in a way that would be an enjoyable reading experience. I gotta think of something to do with this space. And because I'm a hoarder and have issues with walking away, this thing might live forever. LOL I don't want to abandon this blog. I've watched my the evolution of my perspective in real time. We'll...

I speak to my children often about their ability to create the life that they want. We have conversations about choices and options and exercising judgement in a way that maximizes opportunities in life. I feel like the majority of us are living our lives in a way that prevents us from being present in the moment. We're reconciling the choices we made years ago. What I realized today is that I don't speak enough to myself about creating the life that I want. I've accepted my current situation, but I don't think of what my best situation looks like. I avoid complaining as much as possible, but I am not sure I concentrate my energies on creating an optimal situation for me. I believe being a living example is far more effective than giving a highly charged speech. Walking the walk is the new black. I admit that I've spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the things that I don't want in my life. The thing about that is that that doesn't increase ...

I had a blog in me earlier today. I was pondering my behavior again. I realize that I'm not a monster but I do have a problem managing my emotions. When I say problem managing my emotions, I mean I have not made a habit of putting a pause in between a situation and my reaction to it. I do not consistently allow time to process which reaction is appropriate to the particular situation I'm in. Let's be clear. I am used to reacting from a certain set of responses. These were my core responses to situations that I either created over and over again or experienced over and over again. One of them is fear. One of them is anger. I was so used to automatically pulling one of these two out of my bag that people changed the way they approached me and "handled" their interactions with me. People were on edge. They walked around on egg shells. They were uncomfortable. At first, I was oblivious to the reactions I caused. When I became aware of them, sometimes I didn't care...

You know how you co-sign a man beating a woman to a pulp because she started some shit with him and....HOLD UP! In 2014, a significant part of our collective consciousness believes it's ok for a man to hit, beat, punch, kick, choke, and do everything else except restrain and then walk away from a woman if she provokes him enough. That provocation could be words, it could be violence, or it could be anything else that they believe warrants violent retaliation. "She's getting what was coming to her. A man can only take so much before he hits her back." Let me have an honesty moment. I have a problem keeping my hands to myself. I've hit, punched, thrown things at, and attempted to hurt some men in my life. I have a very difficult time containing and resolving my anger. It's quick. To do my part, I've taken steps to help myself. I admit this out loud to say that as a woman with a problem, I know that it's NEVER ok for me to hit someone. I know this befor...

While I'm sitting here listening to AbRock - When I Say freestyle   , I'm reflecting on one of the biggest lessons I've been struggling with in my life. I've been a control freak since I was a child. I've been a liar, manipulator, the nice one, the supportive one, and the leader in various stages in my life. And it's all been to either subtly or overly attempt to control outcomes. As a parent, I exercised my control freakness to the infinity degree. I'm glad my children survived. I'm glad they thrived. I thought it was my duty and my responsibility to control who they turned out to be. Nurturing them? Yeah, I nurtured them alright....by telling them what to do and how to do it. It wasn't until they were older that I realized that parenting is not synonymous with molding. They are their own person. They are their own individual. They are a mixture of me, their father, and life. The best way to guide children is to be an example of what you want them t...

I said WAS...or at least I thought he was. I thought I understood him. I thought I figured him out. Nah son. What I DID do was try to put him in my pocket. I tried to make him do what I wanted him to do. I tried to use him to manipulate people, situations, and things. It's really just dawning on me right now how absolutely tyrannical and indignant I can be when it comes to time. And because there was an immediate benefit to me being that way, I justified staying that way. I thought something was wrong with people who didn't have (what I considered it to be) respect for time. I just didn't understand them. I didn't want to. All I knew was I took pride in showing up early. I took pride in showing up on time. I was proud to say that I didn't keep people waiting on me. I was proud to say that I was reliable. I can say with a little bit of disgust that I was borderline obsessive about managing time. And because people who show up early or on time are generally viewed ...

I'm going to write about this from my personal experience and try to refrain from. ....man FTS..... Ok so if you're familiar with popular social media websites, you're probably familiar with "the inbox" *cue dramatic music* This is the place where we go to catch up with old friends, get acquainted with news one, share stories, gossip about people and situations, share information, promote ourselves, etc etc. This is also a place where men violate the boundaries of their relationship. I understand that I am preaching to the choir right now and that the people who might benefit from reading this may either ignore or dismiss it BUT I'm going to write about it anyway. If you're in a committed relationship, married, or connected to a woman, WHY do you flirt with, pursue, and/or harass other women on social media? Do you need a hobby? Do you need to work on your relationship? Is it a sign that it might not be the relationship for you? Do you know what it ...